blistering barnacles

2008-03-30T12:58:00.002+08:00

currently blogging at xanga. have been there since the start of the year, and it's a refreshing new experience to blog there, i guess.

if you want the link, ask me (;

haha besides, who will want to read it la -.-

2007-12-25T03:01:00.000+08:00

it's 3AM, & i'm still up.

haha, it's christmas. merry christmas, everyone(:

it seems like it was just yesterday, that we held our hopes high for the unforseenable future, the future we knew we had to overcome.

all i want for christmas, are those moments that took my breath away.

2007-12-10T22:35:00.000+08:00

this is gonna be a belated post, but nvm. 2shay gathering was great man, though many people couldnt quite make it, gah );

there's one thing i cant quite believe: those silly monsters (alvina, sameerah, yi min) actually came up with a list of proposals for activities for the gathering :D haha, i almost fainted. but the games were so fun, especially the one where we played captain's ball with water balloons, but here's the catch: you cant use your hands but the ends of your shirt, which kinda acts like a catapult. seriously, we gave up after some time & used our hands instead :D

& oh, we buried sameerah in the sand, alive. i think she was beginning to blacklist all of us & planning to get her sweet revenge for being buried in the sand, HAHA. sameerah looks so cute with her hands and legs buried, she looks like a pilot in an aeroplane! haha.

there were quite a few retarded things we did in the waters, but i cant quite remember. blame me for my short term memory, it's acting up again, bleh. okay, basically, we played ball, formed a choochoo train while singing a bunch of random songs like thousand legged worm, and even did BILLY BANJA. (we couldnt even see our feet!) haha. we had night cycling after that, which was totally calming with the cool fresh air blowing past your face(:

okay, that was 2shay gathering recap. it was the best 2s outing, but could have been better if the rest came ); but nevertheless, job well done organisers!

-

hmm. i realised i have been missing out on a lot of people. dont know why, but there's this feeling of being left behind. i hope this is just a passing phase, bleh.

anyways, i just returned from my japan trip a week ago. the japanese are such gracious people. (: everything is orderly and disciplined, commuters queue up for the train even though it'd only arrive like 5 mins later, and everyone is keeping to one side of the escalators. the food is great, with the sushis, miso soups, and teriyaki sauce! (of course, not on it's own la-.-) the jap school uni is awesomee, haha, if only i could bring back one set of those:D oh, there's this shopping street that goes on and on for eternity, it's kinda like our local bugis street, only better (: it's a shopping haven, really.

but for now, im back and proud to be a native singaporean. (: haha. pretty cooped up with orientation planning and sl stuff. but i'm glad i'm taking on such activities. haha, i've met new people in the past month. it's a gd experience:D, even when it's past twelve and you are still chionging for proposals. but still, it can be pretty fun with the company!:D

random: i miss PE lessons a lot.

OH and guess what, my mummy is hooked on korean dramas now. HAHA i think it's pretty cool to have a mum who stays up late till 3am to watch those drama serials:D haha mummy is the coolest man. love her!

2007-10-29T18:06:00.000+08:00

i don't know why but this doesnt feel like the exam period. & i've been preoccupied with little insignificant things, and i think i need my notes to distract me already. well it's just another week, & it'll all be over. i guess i'll need all the strength i can get. (:

believe it or not, i don't want exams to end, yet i want them to be over soon. haha, it's so contradictory, but seriously, i think i'd be better off studying for the exams than to become a decomposing by-product after that. i think i'm not making any sense but nevermind.

& i think the only thing that is driving me right now is the thought of seeing those kids again, to play with them, talk with them, & so many many other things. every time i see them, i cant help but smile because their liveliness & everything just reminds ourselves of our childhood(: i miss them!

okaay, i'm off to study already. thanks for all the well wishes:D
& good luck to those taking the o levels this week, alright.

goodbye,
for now.

2007-09-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

i think it's sad. people come and people go all the time.
but we just don't know when the time will come.

I just heard. Although I'm no longer in cedar anymore, I don't know why it hurts so much. To see the people around me sad, to see them trying to tide over, but yet in no position to be able to help them get through this.

I'll never know how much she means to some, but somehow she comes across as someone familiar yet so distant to me.

And then, I looked through every single yearbook I had. Looking through old pages of the used-to-be(s) was like remiscing past times, but the strange thing was, i think i almost lost the ability to feel. I guess people who can be once next to you, can become so distant within the period of a very short time. And life, can be so tangible and fragile at the same time.

words stay, but dont sound the same anymore.
it's like rummaging through pieces from an empty bottle.
maybe it's time we all got on with our lives?

My heart's with you, Mrs Ng.

2007-09-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

okay, I'm back. it's so hard to get in touch with everyone now, when there are always things springing out from nowhere to steal your time and energy away, well you get the drift.

i think it's scary, that everyone's falling ill if not getting hurt. there are just way too many incidences these few months, & i don't want to see another falling. ):

the past few weeks were packed with countless tests, but i guess it's the same anywhere else. i can't ask for more, please. i didn't fare too well for them, but neither am i setting my standards high, because as before, i guess i'm okay as long as i stay on par? sometimes i don't know how to deal with people. people who are always putting themselves on the blame, when their standards of faring well are just towering over mine.

like come on, marks are marks & we can't change them. the most we can make out of them are the mistakes we make, and every one of them is like a learning experience. & i know it's easy said, but we all have to try, somehow. maybe the next time we make a mistake we can all slap ourselves in the face & laugh or something, rather than putting ourselves within four walls & affecting everything else that comes around.

this part of me, i'm still trying alright.

& oh, you never know how much i hate it when assumptions are made by people all the time. like, you get this feeling that people know you, all the way to the core, but they barely get to the crust. (okay, i'm not referring to anyone here, but just in general.) if people don't even make the effort to really get to you, then i don't think they would make any difference if they're always trying to put you down.

then there's fundraising for gamelan because we are taking the little kids out for an outing next term, prolly after exams. (: can't wait for that, really. baking cookies and brownies was fun, though we kinda cheated and took the fast forward by using the prepared mix :D haha, maybe we'll try out the long way sometime(: the candyfloss was a success, kudos to natalie for never giving up & being strong when there really was a demand for it :D anyway, we rock luh.

and yeah, friday was amazing. went back to cedar at seven only to know that school started at about five thirty? cassie went along with me(: saw all the teachers and students running, and occasionally waved to some who ran past.

i'm happy because i got to see familiar faces again, but seriously i nearly couldn't recognize half the school, maybe because the upper sec were very much involved in the organising. i think it could have been better if flowers were delivered to teachers after their run :D

gaah, didn't manage to see some people though ): um, but saw a couple of 2shayians and we played dodgeball, only that we got the whole field as our playing area. so funny, and i was to first one out -.- HAHA, we should play it again sometime. talked a bit with other 2s peeps, and some are still the same, but slightly chubbier, haha. i hope they don't mind if i return to pinch their cheeks or something once in a while? (:

friday afternoon was the love♥ i don't know, but i guess i kinda missed all the fun at the bird park, and missed class outing ): it was my first time playing, but i had great company. i heart the team! chinwee, eliza, becca, huiyin, jia ying, wei ting and viona. all superwoman, i tell you. it was a great experience luh, never believed how a group of girls could make it through the six matches.

where's class chalet? ): suba, i'll help you with the organising when time comes, maybe when the damned exams are over. anyway, i miss you too! it's been months since we last saw each other.

remember the days,

we set out together with faith.

but look at things now, look around,

& see how they have changed.

but some things stay the same ♥

2007-08-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

okay, so many things have happened, & looking back I cant believe I made it through every single one of them. especially with the passing of the float design comp which left so many of us drained, staying through the night to perfect our steps, catching the last bus home for two nights in a row, but i never regretted joining the crew because i seriously learnt so much from them.

the teamwork & invisible pillars that held us together, made us through every single setback, that period of horror we had after we flopped druing rehearsal, we made it through. that experience was worth everything else.

& I met hong hui & elaine there! hong hui, get well soon, you should have been there on the actual day girl [: i miss you, fellow 2shay-ian, that's if you read this.

sigh, school has become a centre for homework & assignment outbreaks, & i think i could go crazy someday. BUT dont worry, I'll try my very best to keep myself sane alright (: gaaah, will you just take a look at the test schedule, i think i need to take a deep breath before the week comes.

guess what, service learning has become the highlight of my school life already, because i know teaching kids to count and playing little games with them are much more meaningful, & it's like reliving my childhood days again, only now that I'm helping them create new memories for them and us :D It's always so encouraging to see them understand whatever we've just taught them, but can be just as discouraging when we try our ways to make them understand :D

Anywho, it's a learning experience, and the kids are simply adorablee. Plus, who could resist those cute little eyes when they stare right back you, there's just so much to learn & gain with every minute spent with them.

then there's the sports events last thursday plus this week, & I've seen how strong people can be, pushing right to the very end. You know, I think running for someone or for a cause is much more meaningful than for the sake of running or taking up that lane. And as I was running, the only thing that spurred me on was the hearty encouragements even from the opposite sides of the track, people shouting at the top of their voices to not give up. & I am very grateful for a special someone who was there for me at the end, asking me if i'm alright & tending to me right after. [:

I'm really thankful for having friends like them who'd go the extent to run across the field to cheer for you, run frantically to you to see if you're alright, & palpably be there for you.

I think it's funny, the way we'll run to the finishing line to give a hug to whoever who just ran, no matter what position was attained or achieved. And I'm pretty inspired by vanee, because she has a damn good reason for herself to run that race, & we're all proud of her (: And to all those who were sub-bed in at the last minute did outstandingly well, like huiyin :D

And to the 4x100 team: huixin, vanee and huiyin, I could never have asked for a better team, because everyone one of you ran your best alright. I love us!

Those who are down better get well soon, because now is like the getting sick period, & the weather is becoming so unpredictable and random. Everyone had better drink more water & get enough sleep these days luh.

& OH, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE, we are young but still growing strong (:

believe it or not, I love our national day songs, particularly those dated a few years back like We Will Get There, Where I Belong etc, because they are so inspiring :D I think these songs are something we can call our own, because we are the only ones who can relate to the lyrics really weally well [:
which reminds me of community singing sessions in cedar(: gaah, i missed those times we screamed & swayed together as a class(:
but they are memories now.

whether rain or shine, you are still beautiful.

2007-07-10T19:53:00.000+08:00

can't believe how tired I am with the passing of each day.

there are many things happening these few days, & sometimes it really surprises me at the rate these things are going & taking place. school has become more interesting, in terms of the lessons & contexts covered, because i'm a happy girl when i understand things, & that's enough for me already. I don't care if i'm the bottom line or whatever, these stuff are all in the mind, besides,i think taking such imaginary lines as the benchmark of being good or bad is totally ridiculous?

it's funny how i see myself in the actions & words of people these days, it's like rewinding to where you once were before & observing your own little actions, taking the shoes of someone else. haha, & it's like experiencing the effects of your own little actions directly, which feels weird but at the same time, it's like getting to understand yourself better? but of coursee, i cant say that i actually know myself well inside out, so yeah.

well, today I had a sudden urge for a run again, & people who really know me would know why. jogged at east coast till one part of the jetty and back, & it felt good to run again. east coast brings back a whole flood of memories, but new ones keep building up against the old, so i guess we all need time to reminsce at some point or another. And when i returned, I sat down at the edge of the sandy beach to catch my breath, and to embrace the scene?
it was so heartwarming to see people treasuring each other right there, taking photographs as memory keepsakes, or even catching the waves as they come by.
even little kids playing by the sand & shouting right back at the ocean made me somewhat envious, but nothing could beat the sight of their happy faces, because it washed away my exhaustion & everything. & i thought, when was the last time i felt this happy?

sigh.

while walking back home, i stayed to watch kids learning to rolerblade near macdonalds, and i was amazed upon seeing some of them striving to get the hang of it despite falling countless times. i mean, i don't think i'd have stayed on or pushed myself further to learn something totally unfamiliar to me, if i were younger. I observed those kids by the handrailings, and then i felt the presence of a senior right by me, & it only became clearer when she came up to talk to me.

my first reaction was, that people, even strangers, hardly take the initiative to break the barrier & speak out the first word, yet it came so naturally to her to converse like how you would to any other person. then again, seniors are people who really know how to appreciate such moments, where it's silly to be hampered by any sense of awkwardness, even if it were just to talk.

so what seemed like commenting about the little kids learning how to rollerblade, turned into something more personal, and we chatted about almost anything :D like seriously, we began talking about every single stuff there was, and we walked back home via the underpass together, as we stayed relatively close to each other. haha, then she said something about calling her "ahma" because she felt she was getting older, but seriously from her optimism and smiles she looked far off than that. so i suggested calling her "xiaojie" instead & she began laughing uncontrollably. haha

it's strange how fast we can converse with much ease, much less strangers. yet within those ten to fifteen minutes, i was captivated by her enthusiasm and slowly i had my trust in her, even when it was a matter of a short period of time. her hearty encouragements & my desire to get to know her better paired it off, & that little convo alone made me feel so much better kay (:

yet in school, trust between friends becomes ever so fragile, & that trust soon becomes the rope in a tug-of-war, constantly being tugged at. maybe that's why we never learn to truly treasure one another, despite meeting each other on the daily. & rare occurences with strangers become so much worthy to treasure, because we will never know when we will meet again, or perhaps none at all. nevertheless, i hate it when things turn out this way, when we choose to take charge of things in our lives selectively, even in the subconscious mind?

is it that hard to take the initiative & make the first move, when you already know that things require action in itself?
but you know, sometimes i get so tired of making that first move that i take a more laid back approach & just let everything else take over.

it's so much easier to talk to strangers, because we don't expect much from each other, so i guess the scope of subject matter ranges infinitely, and we walk away with each other imprinted on our minds & hearts. seriously, she cheered me up indirectly & imprinted herself on my mind.

until things change for better or for worse, they continue to stay this way i guess?

2007-07-06T22:49:00.000+08:00

i must say that today was quite a day, because it's only through common times or moments like these when we share the same contexts, seeing the true selves of people, where facades slowly fade away & what's left is the inner portions, all raw & tender.

I'm not going to elaborate on how I fared for my oral today, because it's over, & reminding myself about the few minutes I had in that room staring up the walls blankly would only make me feel so much worse inside. yes, i'm disappointed with myself, and i don't know how to describe how i was feeling at that particular moment, like there was a momentary rush of emotions through me, struggling to put itself together again.

it's scary to recall, but i'm grateful for the experience. what's thought-provoking, is the pillar of support constantly being built, improved & added upon between us with every single day. it becomes strong, only when we are truly aware of its existence, and otherwise only when we overlook that pillar. sadly, some things are slowly drifting apart.

some things are built upon a two-way basis, where both ends support each other. others may survive one-way, but doesn't last. & it's sad that there are those with none, sparing no effort at all to keep it together, or even build the solest of foundations.

you know, it's only recently that i started writing letters again, maybe it's because i become more aware of the existences of people around me, and how they really mean a lot to me? i remember how terrible i felt when I had lots of things to say to someone who's important in my life, but those words never got out of me. I don't want things to turn out that way again, because it's the last thing i'd ever want it to happen.

tingan, i'm grateful for having you around, encouraging, supporting, cheering me up when i'm down & giving me chocolate/ribena thinking it'd make me feel better. you are an inspiration :D & good luck to vanee for her dance comp, we'll miss you & we'll be praying for you at the same time. & huiyin, cheer up kay (:

OH, when i came home today & my folks asked me how my oral was, i told them & i couldn't believe their reaction, because i didn't really expect them to be proud of me or anything, or give a word of encouragement. but my dad tapped me on my back, bought for me iced cold milo & told me it's not the end of the world :D i love you daddy, it was as though i needed that at that exact moment. even my mum encouraged me that everything would be fine. i cried okay.

it's only the beginning,

so run with me;

2007-06-24T23:54:00.000+08:00

I guess I'm counting down the minutes to the start of the new semester, but believe it or not, I have butterflies flying all over me already. I fondly remember exactly this time last yr I was struggling through the ridiculous piles of homework, & I couldn't wait to see the sea of blue the next day. haha, everything's vastly different now, but memories still stay.

just thinking of the many activities for the first week makes me shudder :D okay, I will get through it all & I will not let anything get the better of my emotions this semester, or at least that is what I'd try to do? enough of the stoning & slacking, it's time for the serious stuff. but who says we can't have fun while taking on challenges ahead :D

it's been a year now. I don't want to look back & regret, or shed tears for how I've become, because what's done is done & I still haven't forgotten the promises I made to others, to myself, & of course, to smile at the world like some retard, without worrying about how I'd look like (:

because yes, hearts aren't meant for regrets hurr :D
I'm gonna need all I can get besides keeping my fingers crossed, & we'll get through it all together.

SMILE, because you have every single reason to shine.

2007-06-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

oh please, i ought to stop worrying. stop worrying about the people around me, because hey, aren't they all doing well? but stillll, there's that dying emptiness I can never fill up.

math carnival briefing today, & I was supposed to be in school by nine but ended up being late instead :\ but the games designated for the group I would be in charge of are super challenging, at least for their age? I don't care if I have to handle a bunch of primary four kids screaming or frantically waving their hands in the air, but I hope they don't get hurt or anything :D but I'm dying to see how they'd react tomorrow, because kids are naturally very unpredictable (:

oh, & there's gonna be a phototaking for cedarians in july, to commemorate the many, MANY memories that former cedarians shared right in the field of the national stadium, like the track & field meets & syfs. I may not know how much this place really means to cedarians, but I truly know how important this moment will be for all of us. this sounds awkward as I'm saying this now, but honestly, the two years I had there were short but fulfilling, & they were the bestbest I ever had (:

but I'd be dying to see 2S, as a class again.

hearts aren't meant to be filled with regrets. because then our hopes would always be dashed, roads & visions would never be clear, & we'd never realise the unflinching love that's dying to be let out, even when hearts are inches away. haha, i think chui yi is inspiring(: & super random because she poked into my cookie with her pencil but i ate it anyway. HAHA

even if time isn't on our side, we still have us.
& we'll get through it together,

2007-06-18T00:26:00.000+08:00

foodie outing was it's first, & hopefully not it's last :D managed to see the same old people again, & that sense of familiarity was there, but I can't help but feel that some things have indeed changed & weren't the same before. I don't think anyone noticed, that at certain moments I was grappling with emotions running through inside of me, dying to let them out, but can't. BUT I had a great time with them enjoying funny moments, reminscing past events that seem to be buried in our minds ever so frequently. (:

I can't help but feel as though things are different now. I can't help but feel as though the people that I have met before can't be treated upon with the same feeling & respect because of the distances continue to build between us all.

there's so much to say, but I can't just let them out somehow. for one, the things I hold are precious to me, & I don't think people would appreciate the same way I do, but that doesn't stop me from believing in them.

I know I ought to run along, but somehow the past never fails to catch up.

I'm kinda looking forward to school, because there's that sort of excitement of dealing with new situations & seeing people I have missed dearly(: yet I am afraid at the same time, because I know things would never be the same again, & I really need the strength to get through the day.

2007-06-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

last night was spent lying down on my bed & gazing at the ceilings for no utter reason, but i kept thinking of the words of someone, & it was kinda thought-provoking? strangely, the more i thought of it, the more tired i was, & without me knowing, i slowly drifted off to sleep. maybe, it kinda represented what i thought of people's words, thoughts & actions in real life, maybe subconsciously?

with every passing moment, I become increasingly tired & even more so with myself. & when all plans have been laid out before you, thinking that they'd turn out oh-so smoothly, there's always that something to change you, twist your paths & make detours for what supposedly lies ahead ):

isn't the world full of roads with twists & turns?

but really, who will be there with you to embrace all that comes along? it just leaves me wondering & hanging sometimes.

on a side note, i woke up at around six today & had breakfast with my mom and brother for like the first time in years? (: okay, i think we should really have times like these more often, because i dont want to be some silent person in your life or something. & i'm glad i did a teeny weeny bit of chinese, but hey, i'm still trying.

I'm looking forward to meeting you guys tomorrow, we haven't met each other for like months? (:

[edit] & since tingan wants to be mentioned so badly in this post, i will!
TINGAN IS THE LOVE; hahah
i hope she melts by the end of this already :D [/edit]

2007-06-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

hello world (: I'm feeling so much better now, because of some random conversation with my dear cathlin, & I miss her already ): she makes me high everytime, with the mentioning of johnny depp & many many other random & retarded things like sharing the money if either of us emerges from deal or no deal as winners. (:

OH & thank youu vanee for looking out for me last week, & I'm sorry if I caused much distress to you guys or anything. But I'll be back this week for filming yup, which means I cant go for foodie outing anymore ): well it's okay, because I know I'm doing this for a good cause, and prove to me that I aint wrong alright :D but seriously the foodies must meet up soon! another time, maybe?

haha, & I'm still trying my bestbest to convince myself to study, & I'm looking forward to study dates this week (: I hope I'd at least get some things done & catch up with other people's lives at the same time?

because sometimes, we get so caught up with our own lives, that the thought of even checking up on someone who means dearly to you just gets chucked right at the back of your head, & all's in your mind is just paying attention to the things in front, and never the sides. & when we happen to just look around to our sides, everything just disappears. I dont know, & I know I aint perfect or whole to anyone else(not that I know of), but at least I try to keep my stand at the sidelines? ):

It's funny how everytime I think of someone, the first thing that comes to mind is thinking of their importance in my life, and then what follows is how I have been indifferent to their presences, & for not looking out for them at at points of time. It's sad, isnt it? I know I suck at looking out for others, but being imperfect isnt an excuse to trying one's best, so I'm gonna try at least? :D oh well.

Have you found the earth that holds you?
Dont shrug it off, because you're gonna need it so.

2007-06-10T01:58:00.000+08:00

time flies, doesn't it? & i wonder if I'm doing anything constructive these days, but in everything I do, I end up procrastinating and coming up with excuses to cover up for things which I'm supposed to do.

well anywho, I have other things to keep me occupied nowadays. like filming, & I cant believe I'm actually in it but i don't regret acting anyway, because i learnt a lot & it was quite an experience for me? HAHA, the funny thing was seeing the group arguing with each other, & sharing all the fun and laughter amidst all the hot & fiesty protesting :D

apart from that, I think I seriously need to pay attention to the things going on around me right now, because I think there are a couple of screw-ups within me lately. I won't elaborate much on them but I hope I'd survive from all these & stay strong?

& I realise, that throughout all the unexpected detours in this crazyyy rat race, there are still people you can count on readily to guide you along & to keep you company whilst you are soaked in all the changes. I don't think you know that you make my day by doing that, because you already did. & even when you do, I know you're just a click away :D

REPLY TAGS;

DIVYA: haha serious is good too, but cut down on the poking, will you? (x

LISA: thank youu for the really nice poem! it doesnt rhyme but it sounds great all the same :D yes, you should watch pirates because there are plenty of eyecandies around to keep you high throughout the movie (:

RG: haha yeah johnny depp is love! don't you think so? HAHA

TINGAN: oooh support me in my quest of being you? haha okay, because I'd need lots of it laaa :D

LYNNETTE: hello :D

take me away, & hold me like you'd never let me go;

goodbye, & I hope you guys make use of your holidays, get some well-deserved rest & everything! :D

2007-05-28T22:00:00.001+08:00

you start to forgive yourself, when you start to take less significance on the things that matter.

because sometimes, we cant always be there to save that little drop of tear, or to just save someone whom you believe needs saving.

maybe we're all tired of the assumptions that people make all the time. maybe it all boils down to the repetitive assurances that keep ringing, urging us on in this intensifying, utterly confusing world that is full of detours. okay, i think at certain points in time we all need space & time to think it through?

well im kinda unmotivated to get on to things right now, or start some serious work with my spiralling grades. the moment i saw those numbers, everything kinda sank in, although i really knew that it was a half-hearted effort. still, its comforting to hear that my folks are supporting me by the sidelines, but not comforting enough because i know that i aint trying hard enough? ):

i think i have gone overboard with hanging out these days. but i really needed it. how's it like going for countless movies shivering in that cold little theatre, heading from west coast to the east coast, rollerblading for hours, & even visiting the people whom i have missed so :D i cant believe i was this much close to paradise, having you guys with me around. it could never have been better.

would anyone come save me, just because they missed me? HAHA

& OH, sometimes waiting doesnt hurt. it aches.

we have come a long way, havent we. but i guess things never stop changing.

2007-05-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

what's a wall for,
that damned facade which takes away everything,
blocking and obstructing you from every move,
even the ones you truly love inside\

its totally hideous, isnt it.

well didnt they say that the suffering is what aches the most?
like a never-ending worm eating its way through every turn;
but really, its the fear of reaching the innermost wounds of the heart,
that aches a whole lot.

tell me, hasnt anyone experienced fear,
fear of imagining that something so perfectly fine would turn out for the worse
fear of imagining that someone you loved so much would suddenly disappear
fear of imagining that the fear would take you over,
just like an uncontollable wave, all out to get you down & under,
& wash you away like it was all a dream.

but thankfully, there happened to be dreamcatchers, all ready to fish you out from the deep dark oceans, just to bring you back to shore & see you together in one piece again. & you ask, where's that fear?

it never existed.

yes, fear somehow motivates you to pursue what's in your best interest, but fear too, is capable of stealing your heart away. & when you work so hard for what's ahead, the reasons slowly drift apart from each other. somehow i think all of us tend to work so hard for the things we strive to achieve, that along the way, we become so subconsciously aware of our surroundings, to the extent of even losing all traces of our starting point.

sometimes i wonder, are we all responding blindly to our goals, working so desperately hard, and falling so painfully hard when we fail to reach the standards, & then blaming each other for all that has been experienced.

but it aint a blame game.

on the other hand, i'm glad to know that there are dreamcatchers out there, ready to fish you out from those enclosed walls, bring you back to safe shore, & pretend as though the blame game never existed, because seeing you safe from all dangers, safe from all fears, is what's more important.

thank you, really. [:

2007-05-14T23:28:00.000+08:00

so much for not updating [:

midyears was a total thriller, with late-night studying and endless discussions in between exam papers. i just hope i can pull through. i hope all of us can.

my last paper is tomorrow, wish me luck okay :D

somehow i cant put to words the things i feel.
but dont worry, such feelings are temporary, and yes, i hope everyone around me will survive, having to know that you guys have been tied down with work, work and work.

i think we have got lots to catch up on, seriously. but i guess im too afraid to tell you that.

well anywho, happy belated mother's day mummy (: & just to let you know, mother's day isnt just confined to one day alone, its EVERYDAY. i guess i'll try?

strength lies in those who believe, yeah.
[:

2007-04-22T23:01:00.001+08:00

this week has been pretty packed with stuff :D
haha it kinda sounds weird but it constituted mostly of SERVICE LEARNING
but it rocks when we have discussions, when we suddenly spring up with lame things but they are all for a good cause right (:

other than failing subjects, and all the other yadayada stuff which steals your mood away, i guess life has been okay, & thankfully there's service learning to keep me occupied from schoolwork. seriously, i think failing isnt something we should totally cross out from our lives :D

having to fail a couple of times at the start of the year was initially hard to bear for me, but we all have to pick up dont we. & to have the teacher to approach you to commend you on your good effort really diminishes the effect those numbers have on you (: but i really dont understand those go-getters who have nothing on their minds except for school and what not.

on a side note, i realised the staff here is really niceeee :D even the security guard rico was so concerned about us students, & to think that i spent some time talking & talking to him about stuff. haha, i think he recognises me alr because i look for him like every minute or so (:

security guards ROCK because they look out for you :D
they never fail to be there, unlike some others. who actually leave you disappointed. because of these people, all the other mood spoilers no longer mean that much anymore (:

well anyway had macs for dinner on tuesday with van and huiyin for sl purposes, and we spent most of our time springing up with ideas. (: apparently huiyin hypothizes that the more people there are around, there would be more inspiration and cohesion of creative juices :D hurr.
plus chui yi, no worries okay! we'll do just fine. (:

you know sometimes they say that
when a flower withers, & you are no longer able to see it grow,
another blooms right in front of you, giving you a new source of hope.

but nevertheless, its still a flowerbed in my backyard :D and doesnt it brighten you up to think that there are flowers you can hold close to you, never having to be afraid of losing them at all? those are real flowers you can count on (: haha what's with me & my nonsensical yadayada xD

i think im getting more attached to gamelan, because it really is something i can call my own, or rather, OUR own. although there are some things in my life i may never see or experience again, new things stream in like running water i guess. but the past can never be fully replaced.

sometimes, its the things that hold so close to you that are etched deep inside, & never revealed, because they are little sparks meant to light up your fire when the time is right.

& i'll hold forever close to mine;

2007-04-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

i dont know how to feel\

how's it for you when nothing you do could
change your mind
or when you just feel helpless when you know you
ought to do something?

yesterday wasnt that good for me, and the day started off with me kinda shaken up i guess. i mean, actually, for the first time. went to school with a pretty heavy state of mind, despite trying to put on a smile in front of everyone before assembly.

but on the bright side, mentoring really cheered me up because we played captain's ball in the netball court, & i didnt know our class was so united(: oddly, the game made me so much alert for the chinese test after that, haha and i managed to get most of the words in(:

sometimes i want to contribute to the class as mentor rep, but i give up by convincing myself that i cant. ): i'm gonna try this time round okay.

sometimes i wonder if i'm missing out on anything in my life. & truthfully, there are many, but i avoid them by shoving them under the rug. & when the rug is lifted up it really hurts to see them all again, because i really dont know how to react or feel about it ):

well i tried to get an idea of what was going on during chem yesterday but nothing really went in, & my mind was just preoccupied with other things. but i stared at the clock at a particular instant and i left myself in a daze for the next five minutes. btw the hands of the clock were pointing to eleven and six, but i dont think most of you would know\

& the day before that at that same instant, i was praying. for something. for someone(s).

oddly, it was the first time i ever put my heart & soul into something.

we all need some help at times dont we.

i aint strong either. but that doesnt mean that i'd discount the help of the people who are important to me.

strength lies in those who believe;
& i'd be praying for you guys, praying every step of the way.
be strong.

2007-04-04T23:05:00.001+08:00

Where's the strong side of you I've always believed in?

i guess i haven't been blogging, do forgive me on that
due to the school workload i'm having at the moment (:
(as if i'd be happy about it)

but if i'd it would be another thing altogether :D

aye if you dont wanna read, its okay. haha, super long post ahead
for my beloved belayers.

OBS(12-16 march)

the full five days were totally awe-inspiring, thought-provoking and lastly, self-discovering. anw i totally love my watch Armstrong! & ALEX our instructor(: there were a few "couples" in my watch, which i won't mention. HAHA it was definitely nice to see them showing each other affection :D so heartwarming hurrr.

KAYAKING

boy it was my first(: but it surely wouldn't be my last. haha, we had theory lessons beforehand, on how we had to hold the paddles and most importantly, paddling and steering. when we got on to the real thing, Alex performed a capsize drill and we were really impressed. but when he told us we had to do it too, we were panicking already(: haha

started kayaking with my partner yu zhou & we synchronised quite well(: & someone had to rub it in about the jelly fishes :\

SEA EXPEDITION

shared a triyak with Hien & Gan Shun (: i think we made a great team, tailing the navigator just in front. & we kept suan-ing them for being so close to us, but in fact we were the ones at fault :D then the rain settled in and gave my face a complete wash. felt really refreshing though. HAHA i think it was an hour plus into the expedition when our arm muscles ached like mad but still pushed on. & we kept hitting each other's paddles, which really made us frustrated.

but although we kept on paddling without really knowing where we were exactly going, we were all so concerned about pressing on that even i myself, discounted the well-beings of my teammates ): & Hien was feeling queasy, for which i felt utterly bad for that, so i backed up for her by paddling faster & constantly turning back to check that she was alright(:

we reached the ulu-ulu part of the island and set up camp there :D as Hien and I were FOOD ICs for the whole camp, we were responsible for the nutritional needs of our watch haha, and no, we didnt starve them or anything. but before that, we actually did something in the water at waist level, & were pretty hesitant about it at first. oddly, it felt really goooood to do that hehh. & we were afraid of other campers of staring at us, but anywho we came out of the water bursting out in laughter like retards((: i'll leave you to guess what we did haha.

BELAYING/ROCKCLIMBING

due to prior experience of rockclimbing and belaying with my dear alvina last year, i'm glad i remembered the knots & belay language(: had belaying trials before taking on the real thing (a.k.a rock wall) the next day. partnered up with Hien :D & we were attached to each other for the entire climb (yes, literally) i had difficulty getting a foothold at the start, but managed to get the hang of it again.

THEN. both Hien and i got stuck at the three-quarter mark, for which we started giving each other endless encouragements(: , & i pulled myself up a level higher. but the strap holding both of us together kinda tightened, which meant that i could not climb further but to wait for Hien to climb up too. i tried to pull her up, but Hien ended up losing her grip and hitting herself against the wall )): by that time we were both dead tired, so we decided to withdraw from the challenge.

Hien, you didnt have to feel bad about not reaching the top okay! i think if i were to climb up to the top without you, i don't think i would have been able to appreciate the presence of you being my pillar of strength(: we went up there with high hopes, but we came back down feeling so much satisfied for trying our best. love you for that(:

i think this activity really taught me something. & to think of those who held my back during the belay; they didnt even give a word of complaint or showed any signs of frustration.
yet how often are we able to appreciate the words and actions of others, even in real life, the people who play the silent roles of BELAYERS, working backstage and not obvious, supporting others when all seems bleak. & yet all we can do is just whine and groan even when these BELAYERS have put in their hundred percent without expecting anything in return.

i dont know, but looking back i think i have already let some of them down. i mean, i disregarded their presences, not even showing a certain form of appreciation for them really being there for me. sigh.

thank you, all/
for silently bearing with me, and never showing any signs of giving up.
& i'm gonna show you,
that i can be a belayer too.

(:

TRUST FALL

i think this was one of the most significant activities of the camp(: everyone had to hold on to one end of the mat and ensure that it was safe enough for the "faller" to fall on. i thought Armstrong did quite well, & Alex commented that i did great :D haha well after all arent we all supposed to trust our teammates and just let the falling part flow :\ yes, i trusted Armstrong(:

LAND EXPEDITION

trekked all the way to the highest point of pulau ubin, & we had a magnificent view of a quarry which is now filled with water! you should have seen its size(: Alex instructed us to cheer "I <3 Armstrong!" and we did, to which returned as our own echos, sounding like kids 98109347031 octaves higher. ((:

i think it was during the land expedition when we actually saw the worst and best in ourselves, sinking to lows like taking breaks every 5 minutes when we could have endured further and taking longer breaks instead. frustration & impatience were the keys to breaking our team apart, but understanding & encouraging really made our team TOGETHER AS ONE.

yeah and one moment you could see us all complaining about the weather/heavy backpack/dehydration/discomfort and at another you would see us laughing our heads off and thus trying to regain our balance as we were drunk in our own retardedness. esp when Hien and i shared an inside joke which left us laughing uncontrollably((:

NIGHT TIME LAUGHS/RETARDEDNESS

i simply love armstrong, especially our lame selves at night. haha, maybe we were easily stimulated at night xD on one night when the girls camped in one single tent and felicia asked if she could come in, the guys were the other tent said "YES" hahaha & many more inside jokes haha HEHH. (:

on the last night we finished all our canned food, including chicken curry, sardines, anchovies, baked beans, braised peanuts, chicken soup, mushrooms and our rice rations, but we couldnt finish them all. Movin entertained us by singing, hey his voice really is powerful eh. (:

all of us girls thought it would be boring to sleep on the last night, so we stayed up late for some girl talk, and seriously the guys were really tempted to come in :D

(((:
i guess that pretty much wraps up obs, and i thoroughly enjoyed it (: well it just surprised me to see that the attitudes that some of us had were so contrasting, & how people would view a cup half-filled with water as half-full, while others would view it as half-empty. it was definitely an enriching experience though.

random: water was the best drink throughout obs(:

TODAY.

well today was okayy! assembly was pretty gooood with music awareness day(: & there was a whole lineeee of performances put up by the talented students nus high. the bands played quite well, for the fact that they only had a week to practice yea. the drummers were so pro(: & i guess i'd never ever play that superbly well ):

stayed back in school for physics project. I must say, that i have never ever really put myself fully into any commitment or whatever, but today i was unusually enthu about getting it done(: & i really enjoyed myself, especially cutting pieces of wood & using the scroll saw again in the art room. haha speaking of putting my dnt experience into practicee(:

& on my way home, i walked through the linkway again leading to the eunos bus interchange and there was a pasar malam((: haha to think that i was actually chiding myself into saving up to buy stuff from there. AND GUESS WHAT. i splurged on food okay. bought one of those yummy chicken wings although i had a bad cough :\ SINFUL BUT HECK ITS NICE. (: haha its fun to splurge, i mean occasionally. & of all things, it just had to be FOOD :D

i think i've gone baddd.

well sometimes when you are full of praise for someone & you really mean it from your heart, & somehow it just doesnt get across the way you want to. i mean, i dont see a point in getting all fessed up just because someone insists on thinking that he or she doesnt deserve that sort of praise :\ sighh.

but anw, even when that happens, its still better to feel good about yourself once in a while & indulge in self-praise, rewarding youself with the little things. haha & today just had to be foooood(: i find that i hardly do that to myself, so i guess i should do it more hurrr :D and btw did i mention; the pasar malam brings back memories(:

it aint the same anymore though.

cathlin! i dont know if you'd read this, but no worries okayy! i'm fine. although i may disappear from the face of the earth once in a while, but i'm still around(:

are you on belay?

2007-03-11T22:16:00.000+08:00

it's never the end;

this week was both fun and depressing. somehow the good parts actually offset the bad ones, so overall it's okay. the tests didn't really go well for me, but I guess now I kinda take it as though it's part of my routine, & I sense the teachers know that i'm not coping well. :\

well anw it was inter-house games on friday afternoon(: & the whole school came in their different colours for lessons in the morning, which was pretty cool :D somehow I caught a bad cold during double chem & I felt quite bad cos Mr Ho was worried for me ): & all i could see were words swirling around madly on my notes. but i felt much better after that so yeah.

& I guess for the rest of day (or at least most of it) everyone was in no mood to listen for lessons because we were all in ground state. HAHA(: but it was inter-house games that made me all hyped up, & I'm glad it did.

vanessa, huiyin & I went around cheering for fibo's captain's ball teams(: and we got really lame and high at some points. but poor van had to go, and ps-ed the both of us. it could have been so much fun-ner with you around okay! haha.

& there was this moment when the opponent's captain missed the ball,
and the fibo supporters were "silently" cheering because of that, with huiyin and I included :D

and a fibo girl behind us was kinda cute lah, and she commented that we were sadistic or were thought to be because we cheered when the opponent missed the ball. but when the opponent missed again for the second time, she cheered with us too xD speaking of being sadistic(:

but I do cheer for the opponent when they score too okay! (:

& fibo was overall house champion for the games!
G-O F-I-B-O!
but I realise though, that it feels so much different from the ones I have experienced in previous "houses" & it definitely ain't the same. and i guess there was this feeling of nostalgia, compared to the ones in cedar :D

it wasn't what i expected to be, with the sudden impromptu staging of house games. blehh. but overall it made me a whole lot happier(:

on a random note, i miss IXORA :\
& how we would seriously go wild with our cheers and mafia hats.
you know how the seniors would actually liven up the mood and boost our spirits to cheer and all, but we end up dao-ing them instead xD now i kinda feel guilty for that as charged. oh wells.

but don't worry, i'd cheer to the fullest for obs and sports day(: even if it costs me my pecious throat. HAHA

(fast foward)
after that was astronomy sleepover! & we had a wonderful time stargazing and checking out the telescopes at the rooftop. most of us complained of having neck pain that we ended up lying down on the floor :D
but it was UBER COOL, & i'd definitely recommend you guys to stargaze okay.

even if you don't have a telescope or something,

just take a minute or two & don't be afraid to lie down on the floor,

gaze at the stars up above

and look for patterns between them(:

the view is worth more than the dirt collected on your back, i tell you :D

somehow just looking at those stars really made me relaxed at all, at least from the hectic school life.

(:

are you thinking what i'm thinking?

OBS FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS.
you know i'm oddly looking forward to it, although it's supposed to hone survival skills and all that, but i'm sure it'll be a whole lot of fun. :D

OBS HERE I COME(:
and mosquito bites as well

jia you okay.

happy hols everyone!
^^

2007-03-04T21:58:00.001+08:00

never knew it made a difference\

you know, I wonder why we are always so quick to judge,
& so quick to pinpoint the mistakes of others
until it so happens that the only person left to pinpoint
becomes the one and only
you\

& just who does that finger belong to?

yeah & how often are we able to bypass that line
that line of self-limit;
& it seems like there ain't a right time to decide
when or when not to cross
but at least the distance we created
has made us a little closer\

& there ain't a right time to move
when that green light remains forever blinking;

-

yeah heard about OAC, & to all those out there who have no idea what it is, it's the sec three outdoor adventure camp for cedarians, & although I haven't got the chance to experience it first-hand, I know it's rockingly fun(:
& despite the many shortcomings throughout the camp, I hope you guys are safe and well, & by listening to what you all had to say about it, just makes me so proud of you all, REALLY.

^^
-
& I watched Just Follow Law today with that person(: haha it was by far one of the lamest movies I have watched, & some parts were pretty funny but in the satirical sense? & I thought it kinda woke me up a little bit, like how sometimes I'd generalise things without me knowing.

& how often are we able to appreciate things
in their little packages
& not go like "hey, I was expecting so much MORE"
or "hmm, it doesn't make any difference right?"
and stuff like that. :\

& you know, sometimes we are able to see the colour of our shoes
through the reflection of others\ not literally(:
and before you start commenting:

"hey, why are your shoes RED"

I'd say:

"hmm, because red is the new orange"
*and starts pointing to your orange shoes

okay, I don't make sense, I never make any sense anw ):

but the point is, we are always so quick to label someone
yet oblivious that with every label we create
there's always another pasted on our backs

it doesn't matter if you laugh at what you say,
or if you collide with random lamposts;
because i love it just that way,
& it totally makes my day(:

I wish I could smile
like it was nobody's business(:
SMILE. it's funny how i want so badly to smile
or laugh really hard at random things.

(:

2007-02-21T22:18:00.000+08:00

I think I need to keep track of the things going on alr.
because I think I have selective memory :D

I'm afraid to say this, but sometimes I'd just shut myself from everything else
and just pop out of nowhere again in some ulu-ulu place.
okay, it doesn't really make any sense. but the point is, I really need your understanding at times like these, and even when I totally shut myself in my turtle shell or something, just don't knock vigoriously on it & expect me to emerge. :D
because it just keeps me in further. haha

if you don't get me, it's totally okay. because I've learnt not to expect too much(:
which in turn leads to surprises :D

yeah, I need time. I guess everyone else needs it too at some point or another, &sometimes I blame myself for not noticing the needs of others. blehh.

had a great time during lunch yesterday, & thanks for the card(: nevermind the handwriting, doesn't really matter anyway. I just appreciate the time spent, that's all yup. hope I didn't blast your pockets or something. :D

I'm glad I did something special for someone(:
okay, it's not really special lah, but I guess it had a special purpose? (:
you made me realise that you were more than what you were actually worth,
& I'll prove to you how much that means;
I can't a hundred percent guarantee, but at least I can TRY. (:

I've got pretty bad numbers on the academic tracking report thing, though I really detest the mere thought of them, I ain't letting those numbers anywhere near me. because numbers don't mean anything(: & I believe I have got so much more to learn. & to submit myself at this point of time just doesn't seem right. haha

oh & many thanks to chia chu for asking everyone to sing the birthday song even when it's two days late xD though it was totally redundant lah. & awkward at the same time. get well soon okay! (: haha the responsible welfare rep. irresponsible for overlooking his own health. tsk tsk.
don't ever do that again! :D

blehhh, I guess I'm off to work. :\
(: &I think my memory is depleting by the minute alr.

click here to revive my memory!

& I guess it was just me, all along.

2007-02-20T00:07:00.000+08:00

it has been quite some time, hasn't it.

& I realise that people can get pretty extreme
without them knowing. like my mom(:

& I realise too, that as the years go by,
the wishing part gets hard to deal with
(:
&all the more challenging in fact

she wished for the stars,
every one of them up above,
but none of them came.

she wished for the sky,
& how she longed to climb onto one of those clouds,
but all she could do
was to find herself tied to the ground.

she wished for two turtle doves,
& if it came true,
she knew that without the stars or the skies,
there was at least something she could love or care for with all her heart.

but they didn't come.

& she finally gave up.

but what she didn't know, was in fact
a mysterious guardian angel,
following her every move,
& witnessing every wish she made.

& that guardian angel loved her wholeheartedly
and willingly, but somehow that love dripped its last
when she lost all hopes.

but that guardian angel remained forever faithful to that little girl.
(:

no matter what desires people may have, it's always good to know that there is always something or someone to witness that very moment, &even if it doesn't come true, we can at least comfort ourselves in knowing that we are not alone right.

we all need faith in some ways. but losing faith just isn't something in which we are meant for; &even when it seems as though your kite down by the end of the string tugs loose, losing faith would only cause it to drift further apart from you. on the contrary, the second time you tug at the string, it now feels tighter and stronger than before, because faith has brought you so much closer to the kite itself. (:

because it is faith which keeps us going. (: &sometimes we just can't afford to lose it.

nevermind about the stars or the skies,
or even those two turtle doves,
I'd do anything, anything
just to be your guardian angel,
because faith is what keeps us going(:

happy birthday to me.
haha :D

2007-02-18T23:19:00.000+08:00

I feel as though I need a change.
somehow.

& sometimes I find myself being tied up with certain things which aren't even worth my time. like trying to understand you when you don't even bother. & I get tied up with words which mean a lot to me & words you aren't even sincere about.

&you'd laugh when I'd fall hard on the ground(not literally), &I have to force a smile to show that I'm okay. most of the time I convince myself to not think about you but those thoughts all flow back to me. are you even worth my time?

sometimes I think you really deserve a chance, & I believe everyone does too. but I don't know if you'd appreciate it. & I really doubt that you understand what is truly going on.

I don't know, maybe all I need is time?

well I guess I try not to let them get to me, now that cny has made me so much happier(: & it's the stuffing myself with goodies which moments I look forward to. I think I've become a pig alr. HAHA

how does running around from place to place & stuffing yourself with goodies at every stop sound to you? it's really tiring okay(: I think it should be a form of exercise right. haha. but in this case there's no pain, and no gain. no loss either. haha :D

btw I really miss all those peeps I met up on wednesday! I think you know who you guys are right((: blehhh. ^^

Happy cny people(: & a really special day coming up?
hahaha this post is super random lah.

2007-02-14T22:25:00.001+08:00

to all those who remembered,
& to all those who went the extra mile
to see that special thing turn up on my face,
you will be cherished,
because you have become a part of me I'd never let go(:

actually I knew I wouldn't in the first place :D

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! <3

well today is a day I can never ever wish for, seriously!

it doesn't matter if I looked like a retarded freak today, but you guys really made me SMILE. throughout the day :D

&I'm really touched by what the girls did today during lunch! thanks so much okay. I didn't know you guys had it all planned :D it really took me by surprise. but you guys would never guess where I was(x haha

you will never know how much you mean to me, never. (:

don't ever ask me who the gayfriends/2shay-ians are.
because I'd seriously ignore you. (:

I loveee them so much! (: although I kinda regret that I didn't spend enough time with them, but it's always nice to see them just the way they are with their unique trademarks(:

but you know I almost changed my mind about going back to cedar, as I was not feeling well on mon and tues. &rushing through my homework just wasn't gonna help, but somehow I got a little better today(:

&I didn't even regret about going back.(((:
because it was a promise anw :D

btw I got seduced by 2shay-ians the moment I reached. (if you get what I mean) haha I guess it's the lack of human contact which causes the adrenalin rush huh. HAHA but if you ask me really, it's the little things that warms my heart the most :D & you guys certainly did!

You know I very much wanted to choose to stone right there and then. HAHA but it wouldn't have been possible, because time waits for no man right. Haha prod me if I'm not making any sense :D btw I feel so motivated! &the many encouragements I believe would keep me going(:
well if you guys need to rant about anything at all, feel free to come to me :D
because I've become a slave; a happy slave.
&the best thing is, I'm all yours(:
so call me & I'll be there, anytime :D

but I didn't get to see some of them though, but it's okay(:
happy v'day to rachel and the rest of the class! including zak, nabila, marlia, hafiza and i wen who were having their ccas. at that moment, somehow I kinda felt that I was proud of them :D

okay I shall list the loves that I was just dying to see & did in the end <333 cathlin! sherri! yi min! lisa! fiona! cheryl! sameerah! jie lei! alvina! subaaa! hui chun! (you guys are still as crazy as ever, but I like that :D)
LOVEEE;

Anw you guys really made my day, I can't thank you guys enough for that (: That's enough said right
*BEAMS

2007-02-04T17:49:00.000+08:00

life is getting more hectic, ain't it.
yeah, and why am I here :\
haha, sense the irony

& people start to brush past each other's lives,
not even thinking of turning back or stopping
just to see how others are getting along aye.

just like a one-way street?

I guess I do that too yeahs. sigh.

okay, I shall make an effort to check on somebody everyday(:
see if they're doing okay((:

and it's FEBRUARY(: boy, do I like the sound of it haha
if only this could last throughout the month heh.
AND! happy belated birthday to my dear junior syahirah!
hmm I still remember the way she'd squeal with delight and her little outbursts of laughter hehhs. haha

well you know sometimes we're just so pressed for time
like how school would just work its way up to suck us all
ehem, like a vacuum cleaner.
but no worries, because even if it goes on super mode,
it wouldn't be able to suck me anyways(: hehh

boy, I have a three-course menu next week.
you'd never guess what those are.

three
course
menu\

haha, they are tests btw!
& it was just another effort by me to view them in a different way.
like how we'd groan whenever we think of them haha
but hopefully I'd savour every moment of it
haha, it kinda sounds wrong :D

\you know it's so hard to make you understand
and keeping my stand on this doesn't mean that I cease to care
or rather, I know it's no use explaining every word of it
considering the fact that all those would fall into deaf ears anw
though I really hope that you'd;

I better get on to preparing for my three-course menu(:

and it's yet another week of stumbles and falls.
not anymore, huh.

2007-01-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

okay, I know I haven't been updating for quite a while
but I guess it's times like these when I get to rant and possibly,
scream(:

the class deco is finally done, and that's one thing off my mind(: yeah I'm really grateful to people who actually took their time to stay back, despite the heavy load from homework and everything which makes one go crazy((:

you know, for some reason, sometimes I'd stone when I try so hard to contain my emotions. bahh, stoning does help in certain ways though
unless you can give me another hundred and one alternatives,
I might possibly give up the idea on stoning. haha

lessons have been pretty entertaining, and the teachers are really out of their minds, but I like that(: and somehow they kinda dislike silence in the classroom :\ but I guess that encourages active participation in class right. that means no more stoning from me alr.

I have three hours of free period per week, but I'd just head over to the library to mug or sleep(: plus with rainy days like these, and my green ikea snake curled around me, it further encourages the intention to SLEEP. it really does(:

tell me,
sometimes it just leaves me wondering;

that paper masquerade
may cover up everything that you feel inside,
but not for long;
because it's your tears which resurfaces,
and whatever is left is nothing
but a shagged piece of paper.

you ain't have to do it that way,
but I just can't get it through to you;

oh wells.

I guess I have lots of catching up to do with my dear friends in cedar, but I can't ever accomodate the stuff that I have at the moment): hmm that's no excuse right(: eh, I seriously miss cedar lots lots LOTS.

but still! it's buried deep in me, and whenever I think of cedar, a whole string of memories floods back in numbers(:

all I have now are invisible, yet unthinkable hopes.

2007-01-14T00:26:00.001+08:00

apparently blogger keeps ursurping my posts, which explains why my blog has now become a breeding ground for cockroaches, moths, lizards and whathaveyou.

and I know some people might just go AHHHH when that happens. xD

school has been pretty okay, with orientation in the first week(: I could see that the student council members put in lots of effort to see this go through and yes, it has.

I enjoyed the whacko games the most. yeah, I know it's common but here it's really crazy and the guys keep changing their names all the time that made it a whole lot confusing. but hey, they're really nice because they give you time to think of names before they actually hit you. (:
HAHA

well it's only the second week of school, and the lessons are mainly introductory classes which can be fun too. although it's officially the first week of school, the workload is already heavy. which means I've to cut down on my com usage gahh. ):

I simply love the class motto! Aspire to inspire before we expire!
which really means that we have to have an end in mind, set yourself to work towards your goal, and constantly motivate yourself to be pushed further before you expire(: carpe diem!
hehhh.

I really feel the heat here, but I don't really show it to anyone because I know they feel it too. but it feels so different now, and I feel so restrained when I want so badly to reach over to find comfort amidst all the changes. somehow I keep telling myself to keep up with the pace and not lag anyone behind but I can come up with a thousand and one reasons to take a step back and let everyone else carry on without me. sigh.

and somehow everything's so distant, despite the things we've worked so hard for to see it come alive, it's now so insignificant. and now the only thing I can do is to hold back the emotions streaming down on me.

walk on,
and see those footprints on the shore,
safe from the waves.

fly on,
and see those birds up in the sky,
all waiting to support you.

and that's what I've been trying to convince myself to do, but can't.
I guess I'm not that strong after all.

I don't know.

2007-01-02T19:29:00.000+08:00

it's the last day of the holidays, but I guess there's that little part of me with that really strong urge to go to school. that's one reason why I dislike the holidays haha. (:

yeah sure I'm gonna meet new people to share my thoughts with, and new situations to embrace myself in, and hopefully I'll be more clear on what I want and who means a lot to me.

I shall not rattle on about how 2006 made me or break me, one thing because I don't really like it when I summarise all of those events specifically, but yes, there were good and bad times which are worth to reminsce. (:

and guess what, I'm down with a slight fever, but I guess the good thing is that I'm not letting it affect me in my mood or whatever. maybe I don't really expect much from anyone or anything when I'm ill? but anywho, I realise I can study better and pay more attention to things I've cast aside. and encouragements from others are an added bonus. esp from my folks. (:

I just hope that my fever would subside before tomorrow, so that I won't miss out on all the fun of orientation. (: that's all I could ever ask for? haha. yup I'd just wake up and say just how much better I'm feeling, and how eager I'm willing to go out there. (:

a little change in the way I blog? haha not really. you'd be shocked at how much I longed to do this. heh.

sometimes, a little bit of change is good, because at least you know you're not rotting away?

okay, I better go off to rest before I lose my common sense.

and I hope you guys have a great day tomorrow to kick off the new school year?
esp cedarians!

THE COURTYARD. (:

I think I'm losing it. haha

2007-01-01T00:45:00.000+08:00

Happy two thousand and sevennn(:

wow, two thousand and six is like overr already?
haha, I'm actually writing numbers in full.

and rachel is flooding me with emoticons on msn.
HAHA.

I'm gonna do whatever I want this year,
and nothing, absolutely nothing is gonna stop me. (:
I'm gonna go out there and have fun.
AND GET HIGH.
that's why it's called a high school aye.

I can't imagine using the term 'last year' now,
and it's gonna feel weird writing dates with seven at the back
haha.
but I'll get used to it right.

It was quite an eventful year, and come to think of it
I think it was one of the bestest years I've had so far
yeah, thanks to you cedarians of course
I would DEFINITELYY not forget you guys
for teaching me the wonderful value of friendship, trust and whatnot

you know somehow, I was thinking that maybe,
just maybe,
I'd wake up on the third and find myself all dressed up in blue and grey(:
but I guess white and green would look just fine(:
HAHA

having to go through sec two life was like a roller coaster,
full of ups and downs, twists and turns,
but at least we screamed as one
and managed to pull through it right.

so even if it was a roller coaster, with an intense 360degrees loop,
it's the many times that we clung on to each other's arms/legs/hair,
and desperately screaming our lungs out,
which takes away all the fear to make it a really good ride.

sometimes we gotta take on even more challenging ones eh.
and even if we have to resort to holding on to each other,
we'll scream together,
and show everyone out there what we're made of xD

which also means that I'll be taking on a helluva ride from now on
and it'll be the endless mugging (and playing of course),
going out there and meeting new people,
gaining new experiences, and who knows
finding that little something to make my life a whole lot livelier
and spicier?(:
erhems. haha

I'd like to dedicate this to all my wonderful friends out there
who made the very effort to see that smile across my face :D

paulina and beatrice
thanks for being ever so patient with me and my mood swings, and for showing me that sometimes, friends show each other concern by ruffling their hair :D though you two have made countless attempts to get me hooked to maple, I am unmoved by them(: really nice people, in fact

jie lei
you were totally inspiring to me. you showed me that I could really count on you whenever I'm down or I simply needed someone to talk to. I really missed those times we sat on the steps of the basketball court talking and crapping during school hours hehh. (:

i wen
this really lame girl here can be totally crazy at times, and she works really hard towards her goals. (: I will definitely cherish the many bus rides we took on the way home, and for letting me see the light in the darkest of tunnels. :D btw she's a math and science genius la.

lisa
absolutely funny seat partner, very driven too. I guess no one can compete with you when it comes to convincing people to see your point of view haha xD I had a great time exchanging notes with you in class and everything. never ever argue with her, because she'll hunt you down just like a bird. (:

cathlin
hmm you're definitely a bad girl, in disguise. (: there was one instance when you called for me, and I turned around and you just popped a mentos into my mouth for no apparent reason:D that was really hilarious, but still I got caught by ms wan right. cathlin is EVIL. she's made me evil too, to some extent. a really good friend who is not afraid to flash a smile to those around her yup(:

rachel
very entertaining in class, and very outgoing. I think it has been one of my greatest mistakes for not cherishing you when you were by my side and you have been supportive of me throughout. :D I might not have told you this before, but you have a really kind heart deep within. I guess there are people out there who deserve you more than I do. all the best yeahs?

sherri
really outspoken, and a really good sense of humour indeed. :Dshe showed not only to me, but to everyone, that she is capable of being a leader, possessing many many outstanding qualities that I do not even have. (x you showed me that you really cared when I'm down, and that's one thing about you that I'd never forget. thanks for being a really great friend(:

and one very special person, but I doubt she'd read this though
suba!
haha she's one of a kind? :D you mean what you say, and if there's ever anything on your mind, you'd say it out. your ever funny and out of the blue comments never fail to surprise me. I think most if not all the time I would find myself smiling when I'm with you.(: you'd go on rattling on and on about something that really interests you, and isn't it like amazing or something? HAHA. a really great friend who's always willing to share her insights with people around her. I've had many great memories with you :D really great friend and companion as well xD

well that kinda sumarises the people who rockedmyworld last year.

and if you guys need anything, anything at all,
just reach out and touch,
and I'll be there. (:

oh yes one more thing.
it's really unlikely that you guys would read this but
csb will get gold for syf'07!
I'll be behind you guys all the way,
even if you don't see me.
uh huh, I shall be an invisible spirit haunting the perc section
whispering into your very ear,
giving you support in every way possible(:

remember, I'm still a part of you guys,
and that's one thing which cannot be changed.

step it up; step it up to the next level}

2006-12-31T04:44:00.000+08:00

as I look through my recent posts compared to the posts I wrote a few months ago,
I realise that the way I post is so different.

and to think that months ago I was so dead worried about things that mattered so much to me.

it's not that I don't even care about it anymore
but it's just that it leaves me emotionally and physically drained out
and before I get on to doing something,
I collapse.

and putting in my full attention to that single thing alone isn't going to help either.

so much for avoiding it?

I just needed time and understanding.

I wonder if you knew.

2006-12-25T22:18:00.000+08:00

and christmas is here(:

but somehow there's that sense of emptiness
like something's missing

oh wells

but nothing beats it than to have to indulge in the christmas spirit
so I'm pretty much contented haha

I made christmas wishes earlier on
yes laaa, I wished for you guys
and certain stuff too

and you know how I stopped wishing some time ago
because I'd thought that those wishes wouldn't come true
even though I'd wished for them to happen

but I'm back to it again
because
even if it doesn't come true,
at least I'm reminded of how blessed I am(:

no, I'm not being unrealistically optimistic
it's just that
wishes give me a sense of hope
so don't stop wishing
it might just come true.

and to all those who went through the effort
to make my christmas a very memorable one
I really appreciate it(:

it's nice to see you close your eyes
and your eyebrows start to squeeze
(like you're constipating xD)
and you wish with all your heart
hoping that it would one day come true.

will it?

haha,

Merry Christmas everyone.(:

and this extends to my beloved 2SHAY-IANS
and perc bandies!

hehhhs

and it might just come true}

2006-12-21T22:10:00.000+08:00

well there goes a part of my holidays
but at least I've had my fun
and I found myself along the way
if you know what I mean yup

(:

there were many instances when I wanted to revert back
but I gave up that idea eventually

quite often or even most of the time
we are afraid that we'd hurt others' feelings
that's why we chose not to do it instead

and what's the sense of being restricted
compared to showing how much you really feel inside
which removes a tonne of load off your back right

and if they just can't accept what you've just done
we can't do anything about it
but to move on

and this time it's a tonne lighter

(:

throughout the few weeks that I've been missing in action
I'm really sorry for not informing you guys
but just so you know

wai leng is still up and kicking(:

HAHA

reply tags!

Ci Hui(:
you're always so humble you know! well I will always admire you and your drumming skills no matter how small you think they are(: btw I haven't told you this before but you have a certain form of energy that you possess, and it has the capability of turning people's heads as you walk before them; I guess that's the makings of a leader(: JIA YOU OKAY!
P.S. music will always be ALIVE in me hehhs

Alvina(:
well I see you've made yourself feel at home at my tagboard:D and it appears that you like seeing those beautiful words flow haha(: as for the haunted house, it was kinda of a letdown actually as there wasn't any ghosts at the time when I went in yeahs. maybe they were having a lunch break or something? haha I can't help but think that you're a lamepok sometimes heee(:
yup do tell me the joke some time okay? (:

Cathlin(:
eeks I'm sorry for not telling you earlier about me going but I didn't get the chance to yeahs. but do return soon soon SOON because so many people here are missing you real bad): I'm sure you don't want that to happen under my what-to-do list right:D eh no vulgarities please haha I remember I got spanked by my dad when I was a kiddy because of that haha

Lisa(:
haha speak of the devil I'm baccck(: woah you speak for everybody eh? give others a chance laaa haha yupps I miss you too! and I'm gonna have a hard time dealing with it next year): well anyways I guess everyone's pretty much in the christmasy mood by now right(: hehhs. love you yeahs<3

they are just a bunch of cute taggers yeah(:
haha

looking back,

I've made footprints right by the edge of the shore

and gazing down at my feet

I know

that I'd make more footprints in time to come

maybe even handprints too

when I fall;

but I'll still be paving my way down the sand}

2006-12-05T21:37:00.000+08:00

the lamest people on earth,

are the ones who would stay by your side all day,

to cheer you up with the silliest jokes,

just to see you smile.

S
M
I
L
E
(:

oh wells
I guess people do change to some extent
and even if we would have to change physically or emotionally
hearts do not change
because we still feel the same way right

we still share fond memories
and that's one thing we can't change
and never will

(:

blahhhh

I'm off to escape tomorrow with percussionists
and apparently it's someone's birthday tmr!
so we're gonna blindfold her until she's on the ride itself
she's gonna scream when she finds herself in the haunted house

heeeeeeee(:

and sometimes the lamest people on earth
can just be the ones whom you can count on
because they give you their wings just to see you fly}

okay, that was random too.

2006-12-02T22:46:00.000+08:00

I've never felt so real in my life;

I feel like I'm so blessed to meet you people
from all walks of life
and I'd never even thought about how close we'd get
until now
when it all comes back to me

if my brain had limited storage space
and I'd to choose memories to keep,
I'd definitely keep the memories I had for the past two years
and I won't even feel a pang of regret at all
because you guys had totally made my life
so much livelier as a whole

and of course
choosing band as my cca is something I'd really be satisfied with
although I didn't get in the first round
but I managed to after the appeal
and it was all worth it;

I thought you guys did really great today
although we clinched a silver
it does not necessarily mean that we're not up for it
instead it means that we have the potential to do much better right
at first thought I was indeed disappointed
but that disappointment didn't last long
instead it turned into satisfaction and fulfillment
because we did our best aye

we went in there with confidence and hope
and we left with our heads held high
with no regrets at all
we've tried so hard to get that much-wanted gold
for so many years
that failing isn't something we're afraid of
because all those years of hard work didn't really go to waste
but it was actually stored up inside

looking around us
and the many bands who showed that they too
could succeed despite the mentality that bystanders would have towards them
but they proved everyone in that hall wrong
because they did it

and don't you realise
that we've come so far with our dreams which continue to steer us ahead
that not achieving that gold at the moment
actually proves
that we are not afraid to give up just yet
and that we have values that no other band had withheld
FOR SO LONG.

cedar symphonic band is full of substance and character.
and who knows
maybe one day we'll reach there
and today was a step closer towards that desired destination

I totally have faith in you guys.

and you know what?

I feel so blessed to be a part of this memory
that it almost feels unreal;
and I consider myself fortunate as to be in the shoes of the cedar symphonic band member
and to experience the journey itself
of reaching towards the skies
although I'd really miss out on that experience of actually being on top of the sky

because it's the journey that matters;

well tears were shed today on the way back to school
and having you guys supporting me, comforting me
was the best thing that ever happened to me
because you made me feel so loved

some of you actually thought that I was milding upon the competition
but it wasn't because of that
that I lost control of my emotions
instead it was the fact that you guys were there for me all along
and the invisible bond that we have has grown so much stronger
that I don't ever wanna think of letting go;

and it's funny how those you'd thought wouldn't be there for you
start to emerge in front of you
all ready by your side to catch those tears as they fall
and isn't it funny too
as to how those you'd thought that would be there for you
somehow disappear just as you need them the most

which explains why today was the real(lest) day of my life.

I guess I have to embrace the friendships which didn't quite work all these while
and to rejoice in knowing that
certain friendships did indeed exist
but they were concealed because I left one eye closed
and it is these friendships
that are really worth remembering and embracing
because they are the best ones I had yet

and the fact that it actually took me time and understanding
to find these friendships
tells me
that they are PRICELESS
and there is no question at all to whether I'm keeping these friendships with me
BECAUSE I WILL.(:

I'm really glad to say
that I had many pleasant moments today
no matter how happy or sad they made me
and I'm deeply grateful to my fellow percussionists
for their endless encouragement and support

Ci Hui(:- for getting everyone to surround me just to cheer me up but it left me tearing instead

Tsu Wie(:- for being patient with me and instilling hope in me to do my best

Hannui(:- for your million-dollar smile which was capable of making my moods positive and constantly turning back to see if I was okay in the bus

Varruna(:- for making such sweet remarks that actually left me wondering if I did hear them at all

Arina(:- for being there for me the whole way through and your lameness in your effort to try to sweeten the mood on the way home by the cedar primary way

Tracy(:- for constantly encouraging me to get high and getting me to dance retardedly before the performance

the sec ones (Syahirah, Angeline, Sheriel, Lan Xin)- for comforting me at the most crucial moments and for showing me that you guys are the bestest juniors I could ever have(:

Shaza(:- for believing in us percussionists and for never giving up on us

Hui Jun(:- for having that remarkable gift of touching my heart although she doesn't even know that she does, and for that lovely card

Yuxin(:- for sincerely wishing me all the best in the years to come

and how could I forget,
THE LEADERS(:- for giving the extra boost of confidence in the band and the suggestion of having a one-only whisper-cum-cheer just as our turn was about to start

oh yes one more thing
MY FOLKS(:- for kick starting my day by giving me tonnes of support and for reminding me to treasure my last experience with the band

I feel so blessed,
really.

This will be one of my bestest bestest memory I will have

and it would be stored

right here

*points to heart(:

I wouldn't mind engraving words in my heart
to keep these memories I have with cedar symphonic band
because you guys have showed me that life could be made even more worthwhile
when we're living for a purpose
and to continue to strive on with that purpose
makes all the difference
(:

I LOVE THE CEDAR SYMPHONIC BAND. <3
one heart,
one symphony,
one cedar symphonic band.

2006-12-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

what's with the stir-up of emotions in me lately?

urgh.

and sometimes when I get carried away in my own thoughts
I'm hardly aware of where I am
or what I'm supposed to do
which explains why I behaved that way on thursday

I don't know if anyone of you noticed
but I kinda broke down halfway through
and I hid it all by covering up
which is bad):

but the minute I saw the look on your faces
I told myself I just couldn't stand there
and drift away in my own world
I just knew I had to keep going no matter what
because somehow
your smiles made my troubles seem so distant

who could ever forget the times we had tolerating each other
as each of us had to play the role of mediator at some point
and I've watched as these moments seemed to break us apart
but still we managed to salvage that pillar of strength
and we emerged stronger as a whole

well I guess we'll just go out there

embrace the sunshine

run with the wind

and give it our all

because it's the last lap;

and I feel pretty bad right now
because I'd thought that my folks didn't care at all
but from the little things you did really touched me from within
and somehow it hurts to know
that you have been supporting me all along
behind the hidden curtains

(:

and I know
that it's not time to lose faith;

GO PERCUSSION.(:
Ci Hui, Tsu Wie, Han Nui, Varruna
Arina, Tracy
Angeline, Lan Xin, Sheriel, Syahirah

IT'S OUR TIME TO SHINE.

2006-11-30T20:34:00.000+08:00

I've been segregating my priorities,
and I'm totally blown out by the demands of them
and I can't take it no more;

a part of me is screaming out loud
while another part of me is desperately trying to suppress it

sigh.

I don't wanna say it out here either
because I'm afraid of something I shouldn't even be afraid of
and yes, I feel restrained again]:

2006-11-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

you know, sometimes I feel so restrained having a blog
and everyone could just read like that

maybe I should just get another one,
and not tell anyone about it at all
perhaps some?
well in any case, it shall be my haven(:

it's just so hard to express everything right here
because there's no one to scream with you
when you really want to let it all out
or to catch those tears when they fall

but the only thing I can rely on is my pillow!(:
although it muffles my screams
and absorbs my warm tears
still, it'll be there for me when I need it

I guess we can't have the best of everything right
certain things have to be sacrificed
in order to get what we want
like how we experience the loss of loved ones
in order to learn to cherish the ones we have
and like how we experience sadness
in order to understand the true significance of happiness

there are times when we go to the extremes
to seek out our goals
only to know that it wasn't as significant as we thought it'd be
just like how we'd fly all the way up
only to come back down again

and we're always quick to judge that the whole journey
wasn't worth it just because we don't get what we want
but I think the most important thing
is to be contented with what you already have
because even if we don't reach the skies
we can still fall back on the clouds right

although we may not get what we desire
we may even receive something else out of the blue
maybe even much better than we once perceived it to be

even behind every flower lies a seed,

and behind every failure lies a success,

and behind every journey leaves behind
a memory of a lifetime,

and behind all those ups and downs lies behind
a chance for us to treasure the levelled grounds

and behind all those fights and confrontations
we had with our loved ones lies behind
a chance for us to look back and laugh

because it's the contentment
which puts an end to the desires;

I don't wanna see you fall all the way down

at the rate of 10 metres per second

what I want to see instead

is you

holding on to one of the clouds

and hanging on to it

until I come for you(:

2006-11-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

I was away at band camp from thurs onwards(:
so yeahs

BAND CAMP WAS EXHILARATING!
uh huh, and there were lots of games and stuff
to keep us HIGH haha

the whole band was divided into groups
doh, rae, me, fa, soh, la, ti, (high) doh
I was in LA!
imagine us singing out the note when we gathered to find our groups
and we were like LAAAAAA, where are you!
(((:

guess what the theme of the camp was!
CHEMISTRY.
(most of us pretty much guessed where that came from haha)

FIRST GAME: ATOMS AND MOLECULES
which was a multi-group captainball kind of game
and it took place in the courtyard
it comprised of 8 catchers,
FORTY SEEKERS,
8 point-counters,
and the rest were cheerleaders!

the game went pretty wild as they were MANY people running around
to catch the items which the leaders threw in
and the items kept coming in and decreased in size
but for the first round I was cheerleading(:
THEN
the leaders threw in FISHBALLS!
I had a hard time catching them
because the fishballs would bounce out of your reach you know
haha, and when you had a fishball in your hands
everyone would be eyeing you and they'd go
EH LOOK, FISHBALL!
and they'll start crowding around you haha

quite fun as a whole, but it started to drizzle))):

NEXT: SCAVENGER HUNT(to pass time while it rained)
we had to fulfill the requests of the leaders
and to surrender all sorts of stuff to them
well we were supposed to give them
3 shoelaces,
5 watches,
a strand of hair from each person of the group,
and the chinese names of the leaders!
btw, LA came in first!
YAYS(:

then came a really lame idea from the leaders
we were supposed to gather around like solid particles
not leaving any gaps in between
and then slowly distance ourselves from one another like liquid particles
BECAUSE WE WERE GOING FOR PT!((:
LAME LA.

so we started cheering and all throughout
and the leaders checked to see if we were okay most of the time
see, they're very NICE okay(:
amirah and I would do a countdown every 5 seconds
and then we would jump wildly into the air
like this> FIVE!
FOUR!
THREE!
TWO!
ONE!
*jumps into the air, waving hands frantically like a retard(:
PT really makes us go LALALA~
okay, that was lame-.-

then came DRILLS.
I think the sec two squad has become much louder
ever since those from LTC returned(:
well I guess we're much more bonded and enthu now haha
and every time we had 5 minute water breaks in between
we would be encouraging each other and all that(:
but I still think we could have put in more effort though

NEXT GAME: MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR
(it left me laughing okay!)
so we went around the stations to complete the task given
the first task was to deliver a lemon to the other side
which was a few feet away
without using our hands or legs
but we didn't think of using our mouths!
instead we used our skirts as catapults
and the lemon was fired again and again until it reached the other side
it was cute okay(:

the next task was to have three volunteers
to finish up TWO 1.5 litre bottles of water
and the best thing was
I didn't even know what I was volunteering for aye
and when I realised that we had to drink up the water
I was seriously freaking out you know!
that goes to show how retarded I can get at times(:
but we still managed to finish those bottles haha

so after we finished all those tasks
such as making human-blended watermelon juice,
and eating the bananas and apples supported by strings
we reached our pit stop and got on to making our mascot
OUR MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR!
well our mascot was made up of two 1.5 litre plastic bottles,
rubber bands,
watermelon juice,
banana peel,
remains of an apple core,
lemon peel,
plastic cups,
masking tape,
and last of all
OUR CREATIVE JUICES((:
we made a string bass of of the above mentioned materials
using bits and pieces of banana peel as the strings of the instrument
and overall it was a success I guess

Rena and I did the presentation thing
while LA performed a drumroll for us which was a really a great start
and the whole way I was shaking on the platform
but I just kept talking and talking
(and crapping)
though I really meant it when I said that
the band could achieve our ultimate goal
if we could continue to motivate and encourage each other to do well constantly
and to perservere till the end
overcoming all odds
yeah we can ACHIEVE.
if we BELIEVE. (see, it even rhymes)

overall,
BAND CAMP ROCKED(:
not to mention, farewell too
I simply loved the leaders item!
although I watched it backstage haha
and I could see that the leaders put in lots of effort
when they came out relieved and all yupps

I liked the farewell video too!
and the special segment specially prepared by the sec fours
was really touching indeed(:

oh wells, I guess this is my last band camp though
but we'll remain as bandits forever,
won't we?(:

2006-11-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

sometimes I can only stand by your side
and just remain silent;
when I actually have so much to say to you
but I know that those words would hurt
which really keeps me back from everything else

and sometimes,
I can only stand here
and smile like some retarded statue;
when I'm just breaking apart inside
with so much despair and anguish
but it's all plastered up and hidden behind those walls of cement

and at other times,
I can only walk forward
and to welcome the dark clouds in front
all waiting to overshadow me
when I really want to run backwards
and to retrace my steps;
back to where I came from
and to cherish the glows of sunshine I used to take for granted

it's funny how we tell ourselves not to do something
but we often defy our voices screaming inside
and do it instead
ain't it

yes, I have such retarded behaviour
and I ain't perfect(:

but what I meant was,
that sometimes we just have to listen to our hearts
rather than our minds
because our hearts are capable of painting a picture of a thousand words
whereas our minds decipher the picture into little codes,
giving answers like 'you shouldn't do this'
or 'you shouldn't do that'

and only when we allow ourselves to listen to our hearts
we start to discover a wider range of options
and we realise that we're so restrained with the way we think sometimes
that we fail to open ourselves to new doors
when we could actually tell ourselves
'hey, why not' right

you don't have to agree with me,
because this is a random post
and I'm pretty much a random person aye(:

anyway there's band tomorrow
which means that I'll have something to look forward to
and then it'll be BAND CAMP!
which I believe would rock the whole of cedar(:

WOOTS.

2006-11-19T23:29:00.000+08:00

I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS POST TO MY DAD.(:

yupps, it was his birthday a few days ago
and boy, he's getting old (or should I say young) haha

well he gave me lots of personal space to grow
and he taught me to take responsibility in whatever I do and stuff
he never really interferes with my problems
though he does give me advice sometimes

one thing about him is that he never really expresses himself
in front of his loved ones
but sometimes you have to look out for those little hints
to know that he really does care indeed
which is what I like about him(:

oh yes, did I mention?
ALL DADS ARE SUPER DUPER LAME. :D
my dad is super random, and he's eager to please everyone with whatever he says
so yeah
but he's quite funny at times
sorry daddy if I ever roll my eyes at you
when you try so hard to cheer me up(:

so well
HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY DADDY!
I love you
and in my eyes,
you'll always be that super duper lame father that I've grown to love(:

<3
<33
<333
and more hearts!(:
<33333333333

okay, this happy post has absolutely nothing to do with my previous one
but I seriously need a break okay

things have not been going well
and I find myself breaking down in those little situations
which I know I can deal with easily
and this tells me that I really need a break
so yeahs

btw lisa, your tag kinda made my day really(:
I know that you'd really want me to be happy
and I'm glad you brought that up
I can't promise you that I'd be happy for all of you out there
but I can at least try to right
even if that smile fails to appear,
I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS OKAY(:
and since now it's the holidays
I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE(X
although I can't measure how much I love you all
well you get it right

for all those going for LTC:
JIAYOU OKAY!
and most of all,
JUST HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOURSELVES YEAH
and that's what matters(:

you guys get to go through what I wish I could
so make the best of it okay!

sometimes when we sink to our lows, we forget how high we once soared}

2006-11-12T01:06:00.000+08:00

How does it feel to be stopped in your tracks,
after moving on for some time,
and what's strange is that you don't even know why you're stopping
:/

I realise that I tend to lose myself easily,
as though my sense of consciousness is stripped away from me,
and I act rashly and impulsively
and it surprises me sometimes
really.

but what else can I do right now,
besides putting on that smile on my face?
even if the rain continues to pour,
or if the sun continues to shine,
or if you continue to stand right there,
that smile would be there no matter what

I'm feeling really random right now
so don't ask me why;
bear with me(:

I guess you don't know how I felt at that moment
when you gave me assurances,
assuring me that you'd be there for me,
because that's what friends are for;
but I guess you don't know how I felt at that moment too,
when you gave me assurances,
assuring me that you'd support me in every decision I make

That assurance gave me a source of hope,
and I counted on them to the extent of expecting so much in return
but not seeing those expectations come into place
simply pains me;

and I marvelled at how powerful that pain was,
just by turning a moment so sweet to one which was incredibly sour
and zapping away all my energy
just as I needed all those to put on that dutiful smile on my face

I just couldn't allow myself to ignore that sensation;
for it too much for me to bear
and sometimes all I could do
was to just sit there by myself
and let it all out
that was all I could do.

I don't even know if you truly understand
and I don't even know if you really care
after all these times

beacause we don't even feel for each other anymore}

2006-11-08T23:56:00.000+08:00

It's kinda relieving to know that
people are getting on just fine with their own lives
like those from tao nan or even those currently in cedar

but we no longer share the same sentiments
that we used to have
which really makes me feel as though there is some sort of absence
or maybe we've really grown apart

I can feel the distance between us swiftly increasing as time runs on
and I can't feel it no more;

I've been thinking a lot about the decisions I've made
and I see potential changes which are looming
but I don't think I'd get to see them take place
because things have taken a turn in a way I'd never have thought possible

are things gonna change for the better?

And at this time
it is the assurances that we receive from others
which keeps us going
for we don't know what's in store for us
or do we?

I've had my doubts
and it makes me wonder if everything would go on just fine
There are many times I end up telling myself
that I'd have to go through all these alone
and we won't get to walk through the same road together;
not anymore, not even a chance):

I don't even know if it's all worth it,
and more often than not I force myself to believe
that it's all gonna turn out okay

sigh.

I remember how easily I used to share whatever feelings I had
with the people around me
but now,
it all becomes a hefty task for me
and I find it difficult to open myself to others

Sometimes when we listen too much of what others say about us, it is then we realise how much we've failed to listen to ourselves}

ain't it.

2006-11-08T00:35:00.000+08:00

THE SIXTH OF NOVEMBER
was just so fulfilling;

Well I guess it was the last day I got to see
all thirty-nine of them (well almost)
in one spirit,
one harmony

and it was my last day I got to wear
the cedar school uniform):

the bus ride was pretty okay
I spent most of my time convincing dear beatrice to go for
the POOL PARTAYE
and yes, she finally did agree(:

yeah I pretty much stoned
and just living the moment just as it was
somehow those sitting around me
-nurul, nabila, rasyiqah, zak, hafiza, marlia
were cheering like we did during jogging
which gave a complete boost to the mood
HAHA

the yakult factory visit was insightful
I learnt lots okay
and yakult is good for health
and maintaining a healthy digestive system(:
and we were each given a yakult
the lactobacillus casei shirota strain worked so fast
and before the whole introduction talk ended
almost half of the class scrambled for the toilet
LOL

now I'd rather drink yakult original(:
and it's nicer without the food colouring yeah

well I thought it would be cool to have an internship there
maybe in the near future haha
MICROBIOLOGY

and I guess Jharyathri was right
it always seems as though the return trip is faster right
maybe we've all submerged into a pool of excitement
and we just don't want it to end aye

then came the POOL PARTAYE
at yi min's house
but before that,
we all shopped for food to be barbecued
and chips, chips and more chips!
and paulina, beatrice, i wen and I chipped in
to get SUSHI
but too bad not all of us got to eat it though):

oh and most of us sat on the steps of the pool
and we splashed each other with water
while the others had a great time swimming
somehow beatrice played with her watch and it dropped to the bottom of the pool
and prisia had to get it for her (tsktsk)
hey, prisia is a really good swimmer though it can get really splashy at times haha
and we stared at her awestruck
as she dipped gracefully like a dolphin and surfaced again
and we applaused like retarded spectators(x

so the rest of us got to the top of the clubhouse
and prepared for the barbecue!
we laid out everything
and we got the fire started
it was a gas pit so it was pretty okay yup
and we were divided into groups

presenting....
THE POTATO GROUP!
and nabila was given the task to cut the potatoes into different shapes and sizes
she made hot cross buns, smilies and she was just so PRO la(:
and the rest covered the potatoes with cheese
and MORE cheese
wrapping them into cute little balls with aluminium foils
all ready to be cooked

THE KETUPAT PEELING GROUP!
lisa, prisia, aishwarya and I were busy peeling the coconut leaves off the ketupat
haha, lisa and I were appalled by the mere art of it
hmm maybe it's more than just a bunch of leaves stringed together
it's a whole lot more than that
it's called culture!(:
maybe we'll learn the art of ketupat making together one day? HAHA

THE SODA POURING GROUP!
yup and the rest were busy laying out the cups,
pouring out the sodas
-Sprite, Zesty Apple, Coca Cola, Ice Lemon Tea and many others I think
and we're proud to say
that we finished all of the sodas
in just one day! (or should I say night)
we had to switch to water as we ran out of beverages
we thirst for more. (:

THE CHIPS REFILLING GROUP!
haha, it was funny how everyone crowded at the table
and all grabbed the chips before they were gone
and everytime the chips were refilled
we all cheered(: haha
and everytime I went to the table
it was a different flavour(x
or is it just me.

and of course,
THE BARBECUE-ING GROUP!
there are different sections you know
there's the satay women,
chicken wing flippers,
potato fishers,
and the butterers!
and boy, barbecueing is not easy
it takes lots of skill and PATIENCE
but it ain't difficult for us 2SHAY-ians right
cos we have the determination
and we got through the many close shaves
of starting a big fire
HAHA

and there's the FREELOADERS!
haha, and I'm a part-time freeloader
I was busy eating away
when so many people got down to the serious cooking XD
but the satay was nice and tender!
yum yum(:

After the whole eating and stuff
we got into a circle and played truth or dare
and cathlin was made to eat wasabi!
but before long I went down to the steps just by the pool again
which was nice as it overlooked the whole area
and beatrice and I chatted and stuff

AND THEN

a great idea flashed upon our minds!

*hunts around for security guard
and beatrice flashes the ALL CLEAR sign haha
and we half-dipped ourselves into the shallow pool
and then paulina came along
and she joined in!
so we formed a train and walked around the fountain balls
which made us look retarded
but whatever(:

I Wen came in later,
and guess what we did
we danced in the pool which was really cool
did I tell you that it was much more stimulating as to dance in water
than to do it in a dance studio
because it adds to the mood I guess
haha I shall call it WATER DANCING then(:
lalala~

Well,
so much for our pool party
I really enjoyed myself as a whole
I'm sure the other 2Shay-ians enjoyed themselves too aye

CREDITS
to YI MIN for hosting the pool party and happily accomodating our requests
and to check to see if we were okay and all
to SHERRI and ALVINA for organising the whole thing to see that it turn out well
and yes it did(:
to fellow 2SHAY-ians who turned up for the party and creating a party mood
and yes,
to the security guard for tolerating our many nuisances
but that's just the way we are(:
2SHAY!

I just don't want it to end}

2006-11-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

Today was

FUN!
FUN!
FUN!(:

I can't stop smiling;

today was a fun day spent at tao nan, really fun actually.

100 games and food stalls were set up to commemorate the 100 years,
heee(: SO OLD alr. haha

The whole school was practically PACKED with people,
and it's the first time I got to see the teachers all hyped up and everything,
despite the usual serious faces (or should I say the usual daos)
they put up when they teach
HAHA

Well I got to see many people, and I guess some of them are still the way they are, while there are others who really evolved.
I couldn't recognise them no more, but still there are certain things which would still remain the same.

Haha, like the way we used to play tag in the parade square and stuff(:

Oh yes,
I met up with SARENA, ELIS and TZU HSIANG!

and apparently they came early in the morning!

So we went around the stalls and we sat on this supertop dancer thing which was somewhat like that rainbow ride in escape, only smaller.
But still, it was FUN. I was screaming throughout the whole ride.
Haha, I stumbled when I got off the thing.

We were little kids at heart and guess what we did

WE ATE ICE CREAM;
and we settled down at the dunking station,
where it was the best place to take your much awaited-for revenge on your teachers by getting them all wet(:
and our principal Mr Tan was invited to host the dunking station haha

it's strange how there was a sudden increase in the queues for that particular stall
LOL
and he was dunked a total of four times!
(you can see how merciless us students are aye)

A recap of what we ate:
mashed potatoes,
cotton candy,
campbell soup,
and all those stuff which could satisfy a kid's hunger for the sweet things(:

Well anyway soon we were tired of all those walking
and we just sat down at the staircase area behind the parade square
and talked(:
which was nice yeah

Well it was a relatively nice day spent with them yup

I really miss you guys from 5G'03 and 6H'04

You guys seriously rock!(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAO NAN! <333

2006-11-02T20:30:00.000+08:00

things have been going slow-mo today

Well I guess I've been used to the normal hectic schedule of having school
plus CCA in the afternoon

But without all those, I'm given more time to slack and stoneeee):

It's funny how we'd long to do without all these stuff
and when we finally have time for ourselves
we long to have it back
HAHA

Well I guess my percussion section-mates are in KL right now
and just thinking of how much fun they'll have there
really makes me squirm ):
Anyway I hope they'd have all those massive sleepovers
like we had in Thailand
and probably DANCE and make as much noise as possible until the other roomates COMPLAIN haha

Haha maybe later on I'll go study chem(:
a better alternative to physics gahhh
and hopefully I'll look forward to band tomorrow
yes, I will survive.

btw, I believe that you don't need people to tell you
that they really do love you to know that you're loved
cos they love you all the same
despite the physical distance we have between each other
and it's just so disappointing to hear that you feel unloved
when so many people around you try so hard to make you feel otherwise

I don't know;
but I guess I try not to expect so much
ever since that day

Sometimes it's our expectations which prevents us from advancing further and isn't it better to know that you're progressing at little steps at a time
rather than taking gigantic leaps you know you'd end up falling

Sometimes it's our expectations which dimishes our little achievements
and it's funny how we'd forget the pains we took today
for a better tomorrow
and tomorrow we'd just thirst for more and our expectations would just run on like some forever-operating treadmill
and in the end we'd just lose track of our starting line
and then we stop and ask ourselves what direction
we were heading initially
and the sad thing is,
we can't even find the answer
even when it's just in front of us

just like an invisible ghost desperately trying to reveal itself, waving its hands frantically but it all goes unnoticed;

Sometimes our expectations make us oblivious to the world we're living in and they just lead us to a world of disappointment instead}

oh wells.

ANYONE WANNA BOOK ME FOR THE HOLS?
HEHHHS. (:
haha it sounds wrong(x
LOLLL. East coast maybe?

ZAI JIAN. (:

2006-10-31T22:08:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to believe that whatever I have or have had
is gonna disappear right in front of my eyes.

POOF.

gahh, I think the only thing that's keeping me going now
is band and yes, how could I forget
THE SIX OF NOVEMBERRRR
and something tells me that I'm gonna have a rocking good time(:
or at least hopefully

haha it's nice to hear that most of you
are drying your roses after all that it went through
well at least you realise that having green fingers ain't easy right
HAHA

hey sometimes I wish I had a rose too
I wanted to take those roses which some of you have left behind
but I just felt that maybe they were better there I think
so I just left them alone
I regretted it okay.
I think they'd be better off on my table.(:
oh wells.

but wait a minute
I think I can have a VIRTUAL rose
of any colour I want
nevermind if it can't withstand sunlight
and forget about water
or even bother about drying it
because it's my super duper all-weather rose
but it just makes me feel guilty for not treating it well
and only taking care of it depending on my mood
which is bad
bahhh):

I shall give my one hundred and ten percent
and shower you with infinite amounts of LOVE
and whatever that is needed for you to be in full bloom
my virtual rose~
I bet you want one right(:

Sometimes all I need is for you to be there for me}

2006-10-28T00:35:00.000+08:00

Tonight was totally CRAZYYYY.

oh yeahs. (:

I'll miss everyone from 2S, and the many times we had together.
Sometimes it's the little things that you guys say or do
that really make me smile or cry inside
although I don't really show it

hurrs.

We've grown so close together,
and when so many of us are leaving
we actually feel for each other
when we know that we'd not be in the campus next year

I'll miss Cedar, the teachers, the students, 2S, Cedar Symphonic Band, Percussion,
EVERYTHING.
Every single part of the school has a special place in my heart.

I love the CANTEEN.
where we used to cut the queues just to get our food on fried food thursdays
and we used to pop by for a drink after P.E. or jogging with our outstanding yellow P.E. tees
and when we had monthly birthday parties for BAND

I love the HOME ECONS LAB.
where we become little chefs (don't you dare doubt our abilities!) WE ARE GOOD OKAY
and we'll head over to each over to borrow the ingredients (HAHA)
and we'll always taste our food illegally right under the noses of our teachers
and it was the place where we had FIESTA@CEDAR
and we were all working really hard together
and we even managed to pull it off(:
Oh yes we did BILLY BANJA after that which was so COOL

I love the MPH.
where we sat in the gallery when we were sec ones
and we used to look down to see A SEA OF BLUE! (you can't see this elsewhere!)
and we used to sabo each other to go up on stage
AND YES I WAS SABO-ED (:
and where we used to PARTY during the national day celebrations
when all the lights were out and we SANG TO OUR HEARTS' CONTENT
and where we used to have movie screenings and
we almost hated it when we were interrupted by announcements
OH YES
it was the place where we had our INDUCTION CEREMONY
and I'll always remember the sushi conveyor belt! heeee(:

I love the COM LABS.
oh it was the first time I had seen computers that were placed inside the tables HAHA
(maybe it stimulated our eyesight? (: )
it was the place where we had our wonderful CRUSH programme
where we learnt about the many possible dangers of the internet
and where we used to have our dnt Prodesktop sessions with our beloved MRS LEE
and more often than not we surfed the net and blog-hopped instead of doing IT research(:

I love the SCIENCE LABS.
my lab partner Jharyathri!
performing experiments with her was so exciting cannn.(:
We were so blur at times and we would be turning over to I Wen and Marlia to check what we've missed (HAHA)
and we were not afraid to LAUGH AT OUR MISTAKES
when we didn't follow the instructions given by Mrs Yeo (oops)
and when we got the desired results, we would be hi-fiving and all that
see, this is called teamwork heee(x
I LOVE MY BENCH!

I love the AS 1 and AS 2.
where we had our enrichment courses as part of CE
and where we had malay dance lessons and until now I still don't get it haha
and where we practised playing our guitars before we had our test
and where we used to have our HISTORY PAGEANT!
we were all really good la, congrats for those in the Maria Hertogh Musical
you guys were AWESOMEEE.

I love the MUSIC ROOM.
where we used to form little groups and to sit on the floor
and where we had the keyboard and guitar lessons with Mrs Ong
and how she used to talk about how her son would make her laugh
e.g. sitting on a particular rubber boat (x
and we used to sneak in food during recess to practise haha
and where I used to play on the drums and the xylophone discreetly at the end of every lesson ( I LIKEE)

I love the SPORTS HALL/TRACK/TENNIS COURTS/OLD CEDAR TRACK/VOLLEYBALL COURT
where we had our wonderful P.E. lessons with Ms Poon
where we used to play hockey, frisbee, mini rugby and many more
and oh yes soccer (too bad we didn't get to play as a class)
and the sprints were the worse
but we managed to get through it aye
and where we had our NAPFA 2.4km run
and we cheered each other on to the finish(:
I'll always remember that moment heee
It's called TEAM SPIRIT. and WE HAVE IT.

I love the LIBRARY.
where we used to have geography lessons with MS WAN!
(I simply love her and her tolerance to withstand such noise pollution a SINGLE class alone haha)
and where we used to watch geog videos with a CUTEEE boy in it
and where we watched THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW and we practically SCREAMED our lungs out when we saw the tide closing in and flooding the whole of New York City
overall it was quite niceeee
and most of all, I love the AIR-CON. hey wait a minute, beware of CFCs ):

I love the 2S CLASSROOM.
where we had our lessons conducted by MR TAY, MS KONG, MS LAW, MS QUEK, MS WAN MS CHEANG, MRS YEO, MRS LAM, MS CHUA, YU LAO SHI AND MRS LEE.
and where we had to make sure that the whole place was kept clean and all times
the whole classroom became a really cosy place for sleeping when it rained(:
and it was full of SMELLS (I shall not specify them) after jogging or P.E.
and then came the SPRAYS of perfume and deodorant
and we'll be turning to check where they came from (HAHA)
and where it became the Supreme Court for our debates which were FUN FUN FUN!
quite INTENSE really.
and we had our IPPT and we all worked together to make sure that we were protected from the harmful inhalants(oh yes, we made a maniature toilet which wasn't even used)
and SOMETHING happened between Mrs Lee and Mr Tay
which left us laughing after that
and it was where I was caught eating a mentos by Ms Wan
and was told to throw it away and I did (oops)
where we had GROUPWORK with Nabila and Cathlin who are so much fun to work with
we were always laughing at the back
where we had CE lessons when Mrs Lee shared with us her many exciting and touching stories
(or theories) and I'll always remember,
if you're ever mad at anyone, it's best to pray for him/her. yupps(:
and yes I shall repeat again
LIFE IS A BOOMERANG.
I'll always miss those times! (:
I love the 2S classroom to bits yeah.

I love the BAND ROOM.
where we used to practise really hard when the band competition was nearing
and where we used to have a BIRTHDAY SURPRISE for Ms Sia and Mr Ong
and all of us banders hid under the chairs and us percussionists under the timpani haha
and where we used to have promises made by Mr Ong if we did perform well
hey, where's our barbecue? we DESERVE it okay(:
where us percussionists end up enjoying ourselves when we had to think up of moves when we played the intruments e.g. swaying and dancing like retarded octopuses(:
where we we cheered each other on when anyone of us played the drumset
and of course,
we had our serious moments right
Percussion will strive for the best! WE CAN AND WE WILL!

I love the COURTYARD.
where we used to sit as a class right smack in the middle (I love it right there!)
where we had the Early Bird Reading Programme but we always end up talking
and the poor prefects have to come over and shush us heeeee(:
where we sang the National Anthem and School Song with enthusiasm
(okay, maybe only some of us, but I did okay(x)
where we listened intently to those cedarians making cute announcements/promotions/advertisements
where the Band leaders announced to the whole school that we had achieved a GOLD for the band competition which was simply SPECTACULAR
where we did last-minute mugging when we had our common tests or exams on the day itself

and last of all,
I love the FOYER.
where we used to sit and wait for a lift home after school or band
where we split up for our usual routes home
where we used to whine when the gate leading to Cedar Primary was locked (HAHA)
and OH YES
it was where we had our class photos taken!

I'm feeling nostalgic already.):

Well, these shall be my memories
and yes, I'll keep them within me forever.

My near-perfect memories.

Once a cedarian, always a cedarian. (:

2006-10-26T20:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we try so hard to hold back the tears,
it all comes back without you knowing}

It's just like a piece of fresh meat
that has just been ripped off you,
and somehow you find yourself struggling to go on.

Perhaps that is the pain of letting go.

It's nice to know,
that after all these times,
there are people who silently appreciate the things that you do for them
and although they are not able to express themselves
like you expect them to
they still anticipate your every move,
which leaves them wondering what's you'll do next

It's even better to know,
that after all these times,
these people are willing to take up the time and effort
to achieve the little things that you'd not expect them to do
which actually makes you melt deep inside

--------------------------------------------------

Things would be different from now on I guess.

It would not feel the same again,
and the forty of us will not be able to indulge in
the things we enjoyed doing for the past two years
and that if we were to talk to each other again,
we'll never get to relive the moments
when we used to whine about the never-ending pile of homework
or when we used to groan just as the exams were around the corner

we'll never get the chance to comfort each other
and to rejoice in knowing that we have ourselves to hold on to
and we are assured that no matter what happens
we'll get through it all together

all for one, one for all.

we'll never get the chance to cheer each other on
and to let them be assured that we'll stay by their side
and we'll run with them to the finish
even if they are lagging behind;
because they've tried their best
and that's what matters

BUT

certain things will always remain the same
and they forever will

like the way we used to panic in extremely demanding situations
but all those tension and stress soon turned to outlets of positive energy
and as we worked together hand in hand
under one single roof
somehow we put aside our many differences
to achieve a common goal
and we rejoice in knowing that it didn't turn out so bad after all aye

like the way we used to laugh at our mistakes
and not take our teachers' straightforward opinions to heart
and that every mistake that we made
was not only a lesson for us to gain experience from
but it was also an opportunity for us to poke fun at each other
and it was then we understood that
things could be perceived in a more positive manner
instead of the usual seriousness of it all

I guess we've all grown to become better people
and although we may not be perfect
we still possess the inner spirit
and we have not forgotten who we really are

------------------------------------------------

Today was the last day of school
and I was totally numb or something
and I couldn't make clear of the thoughts I had in my mind

It's interesting to know,
that this day alone
could totally change your life forever

I don't know,
but I really didn't feel like coming to school today
as I wasn't feeling well for the past few days
and there were several instances when I was really worn out
and I almost felt like collapsing

oh wells. ]:

I tried so hard to hold back my tears,
and to hide my inner emotions from my classmates,
and I just couldn't bring myself to face them all.

I forced myself to smile throughout the day
but I just could not
and I broke down in the bus on the way home.

Things did not go well for me later on
and I spent most of my time locking myself in the room
thinking about the many people who have helped me along the way;
teachers, friends and even mere bystanders,
and each one of you has become an important part of me
that I can't do without,
and I sincerely thank you all for being there for me,
and supporting me in every move I make.

I'll definitely miss everyone from 2/S,
not forgetting Mrs Lee,
and you all have given me near-perfect memories of Cedar
and hopefully I'd be able to look back on these memories
in time to come

Here's to you guys of 1/S '05 and 2/S '06.
I love you all. (:
aishwarya; azrina; cathlin; olivia; en qi; paulina; delfilia; elizabeth soh; cheryl; fiona; lisa; hui chun; rachel; sherri; alvina; jie lei; jharyathri; i wen; marlia; mary; nabila; aishah; nurul; prisia; yi min; neerajha; sameerah; beatrice; ming ann; hafiza; rasyiqah; zakkiyah; suba; deborah; shi yin; vanessa; hong hui; milissa; yuki; MRS LEE; (:

I LOVE YOU ALL.

2006-10-23T21:47:00.000+08:00

gosh, it's down to the last week of school
and I don't know what's going through me
but I guess I'll survive aye

come to think of it,
it has been close to 2 years huh.
and I already have wonderful memories of 2S. (:
In fact, they are near-perfect ones

I remember the times when we were first "born"
we didn't know each other at all
and we didn't even know how to react

we were all different in our own unique way
and well I guess it's the differences that
bring us closer together right
esp fiesta at cedar which I'd fondly remember

like how we'd really panic when the teachers would arrive
and we'd pool our resources and knowledge and chip in
to help in any possible way
be it cooking, entertaining or decorating
and our beloved director, HONG HUI
we'll always love you okay!

throughout the two years we had such wonderful teachers
and no, I'm not being biased la
thanks to our wonderful Ms Cheang and her SBQ skills
and oh yes Mr Tay and our dear form teacher Mrs Lee
and they were always looking out for us
just like how the mother hen would protect the little chicks
LOL

anyway, I guess we had lots of fun
and no matter how badly we wanted to fall asleep
we never fail to keep our eyes awake
(no wonder we've become goldfishes alr)
and we'll always love Ms Quek for her quirkiness
and Mr Shaun Lim for his ever-lasting determination
in teaching us
but I guess SOME things will never be revealed haha
(if you get what I mean)

which leads me to Lit!
oh wells I flunked my lit paper recently
but I still love lit okay
and failure is part and parcel of learning right
although you may not do well in it
just enjoy every moment of it
and that's most important aye (:

I simply love 2S okay!
Everyone of you,
you are just so inspiring
and y'all never fail to make me
laugh or smile
or even CRY
but y'all play a BIG part in my life really
and I can never be grateful to have you guys around 24/7
and to bear with me throughout it all

and our wonderful MRS LEE!
you were very particular when it concerned
practically everything regarding our class
and you shared every little detail about you
and I will always remember your inspiring CE periods
and yes
LIFE IS LIKE A BOOMERANG. (:

oh man, how am I going to get through the last 2 days of school?

oh somebody please help me. ):

toodles!

2006-10-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

Doesn't it hurt,
to know that after all these times
you discover that they don't know you well at all
and no matter how hard you try to save yourself
it all falls on deaf ears

Doesn't it hurt,
to know that after all these times
you've been struggling alone to find out your true identity
and you've been crying behind closed doors
and yet nobody knows

Doesn't it hurt,
to know that you've tried so hard
tried so hard to make sure that things turn out alright
but in the end it all turns out otherwise
and you feel like a useless moron ain't it

Doesn't it hurt,
to know that the closest ones whom you thought know you well
give you assurances;
assuring you that they'd be there for you
and to think that I was foolish to take it for real
and I held on to those assurances
only to be disappointed time and time again

It all hurts. ]:

It's funny how I'd take every word you said for real
and you know it just leaves me wondering if this is all a dream
but reality just strikes me hard
and I end up falling yet again

To think that I trusted you
and I never gave up on your assurances
but you weren't there for me
just when I needed someone to catch my tears
or to simply give a listening ear

--------------------------------------------------------

Well I guess what matters most about friendship
is to be there for someone;
be it lending them a shoulder to cry on
or to catch those tears when they fall
rather than assuring them that you'd be there for them
cos' they don't seem to come into place ain't it

Actions speak louder than words;
I'm tired of the meaningless assurances okay
and I want to end the disappointment once and for all

I ain't a person who's willing to wait forever
and I know that you have your own interests at heart
and I don't blame you or intend to stop you from pursuing them
because you have your own directions
and I have mine right

ugh. ]:

I just want to break free;

2006-10-18T17:26:00.000+08:00

I have been lying to myself all this while.

I was hiding from the cold hard truth,
and I didn't want to face it
and now it's all coming back at me again
I can only say
that I really deserve it
Oh yes I do

I thought that I would hide all the hurt and pain
from others and I didn't want it to affect them in any way possible
but now it seems
that the harder I keep it all within me
and fail to open myself up to others
and to share my pain with them,
the more hurt they actually receive than what I do

I was so stubborn.
There were people who were there for me
and yet I pushed them aside
and now I'm left all alone
How egoistical I was
to think that I didn't need them at all
and that I was better off without anyone standing by my side

But it only made me weaken further.

I want to stop procrastinating.
All I cared for was myself,
thinking that if it made me feel much better
it would make those around me feel better too

But I was deep wrong

I have to retrace my steps
to take a u-turn or something
and I am deeply grateful
if I would to be given another chance at it again
and I would give it my all

Even the best fall down sometimes
so do not be afraid to fall
cos' the fear of falling is much more vulnerable
than falling itself

I have fallen.

and I am not afraid that I have

now all I need now
is to share my hurt and pain with those around me
for then I'd be able to get up again
and walk freely like I used to

I think it takes much more courage to open yourself up,
and to share all your hurt that has been bothering you
with your loved ones
than to bottle it all within;
cos the hurt that is inflicted upon those whom you initially thought you "protected"
will ultimately outweigh the hurt that is inflicted when you are
willing to share it with others

Well I guess being strong,
is have a sense of admitting to your mistakes
and forget about everything that has to do with your ego
and what matters most
is that you're able to extend yourself further
widen your scope or range
and to do what is not expected of you,
and at the same time,
standing firm to your beliefs.

It doesn't mean that once you've fallen
you're left all alone by yourself to figure it out,
but it's more like you chose for it to turn out that way
but rather it means that once you've fallen
you're more likely to realise
that the ones whom you often seem to doubt of their intentions
instead turn out to be there for you
supporting you as and when you need;

do them a favour as you would do it for yourself;
don't turn them down yeah

I think I've finally realised my mistake;
and I don't think falling would be something that I am afraid of,
not anymore I guess.

It is our option to choose
whether we want things to work out that way
and even if things have turned out way beyond our expectations
we often choose to hang over and mope about it,
instead of considering the many hidden options that we have in store

I want to stop pretending;
You may think that I'm okay,
but it's merely a damn facade alright

I want to take off that facade
and every moment I have it with me
is just so torturing;

don't we all take things for granted anyway
and it's strange how we understand how much the things we have around us
everyday -friends, loved ones etc. really mean to us
when they are lost right

just like the seedling,
ever accepting the sun's love
love that is rich with sunlight
and it,
silently appreciating whatever the sun does
just to keep it alive

on the contrary,
if that seedling resists that act of love
and turns down whatever the sun does out of its spiritual kindness,
it's no different than a withered plant overshadowed by tall sturdy trees
and when it finally knows what state it is in
it longs for a chance to start all over
and even though it starts to appreciate the sun's love

it's all too late isn't it

I'm just like that withered plant in a corner}

2006-10-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling pretty random nowadays,
well maybe it's because of the release of exam papers
where everyone gets all tensed up and extreme at times
and we comfort each other when we fail to meet the standards

But whichever's the case
I think it's time we thought about each other
and to be sensitive at times
pitching in to give a hand
or to simply just be silent when times are inappropriate

It just makes me feel disappointed in those whom I trust
after all these times
that what matters most is the results
They get all hung over and everything when
they do not get their desired results
and they jump over the moon and get high when
they do so
And what's worse is that they fail to think about those around them
who have been next to them all along
yet they're always out of the picture ):

Perhaps we see the true side of people
when such situations occur huh.

Oh wells. ]:

Everyone has to go through failure at times
and you're not the only one you know;
and no matter how deep you've fallen
and no matter how much pain and hurt you received from falling,
wipe away those tears,
brush away the dirt that clung onto your knees
and bounce back to your feet

What matters,
is not seeing that tree all grown up
with its leaves stretching out to its fullest,
but to see that it brings much fulfillment and joy
to see it grow and mature over time
right since the start of day one

And I must say that the closest of people
though they may seem so distant away
actually instill in you a sense of being in others' shoes
instead of being so self-centred most of the time
without knowing it themselves
and somehow
they make you a better person on the whole
yet they do not realise it
which is good in a way I think haha

Sometimes I just feel helpless and
I just think myself as a complete moron at times.

In the past,
when you were down and all
I tried all my best to be there for you
but it was just out of my reach,
and I couldn't do anything to make you feel better

But now
when I know exactly what to do
when you are down and out of place
I fail to be there for you
even though I know that you really need someone by your side

I don't know why;
maybe I wasn't supposed to be there
'cos somehow
I think that I wouldn't make a difference anyway
after all that futile attempts

heck it, but this is one contradicting post):

maybe it wasn't meant to be}

2006-10-15T23:13:00.000+08:00

What's lost cannot be retrieved,
and what's happened cannot repeat itself.

I don't exactly know;
it may return,
but one thing's for sure:
it would never feel the same again.

It appears that time is not on my side,
which gives me all the more reason
to take on things which I have not tried before
and to cherish the ones I love while I can.

Is anyone with me?

2006-10-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

我想放弃一切；

There are a couple of times,
I wanted to give up so bad,
that I was willing to sacrifice all I had,
for the ones I love.

I don't know;
maybe it's like part of me or something,
a strong fire within me,
urging me to go on,
no matter what.

It makes me wonder sometimes,
all that I'm doing right now,
does it really make a difference,
or is it even worth it?

I didn't really consider all these at first,
and I act rashly,
as though I am following a reversed compass,
and I often find myself in a place I least expected to be in.
Maybe it's time for me to reconsider huh.

I always thought that maybe, just maybe,
if I could just turn back time,
I just wanted to be a nobody,
and to just stay out of other people's affairs,
and to give that heck-care attitude.

But I know that,
deep inside it'd hurt more than anything else in the world,
to be able to fold your arms just when someone is out calling for help.
Imagine that person feeling so helpless and alone,
with no one to turn to,
somehow holding to a little ray of hope,
only to be disappointed by reality.

Sometimes I wonder,
that there are some people out there who take you for granted,
and after they are done with you,
they move on,
and cast you aside,
and the rest is history.

I'm almost convinced though,
that maybe I should stop all these,
and maybe it's time I considered,
are you really worth it at all?

I'm tired of all these,
and maybe it's time I backtracked or something.

I'm tired,
but do you even realise that I'm all worn out,
and just when I really need someone,
it just all turns out otherwise.

But what can I expect anyway,
since I brought it all upon myself.

Sometimes I wonder,
why do I even bother? ):

It's because I care.

I really do.

2006-10-09T22:01:00.000+08:00

I'm just so tired of it all;
I didn't know that some things could just steal your soul,
and just zap away all your energy ]:

Misunderstandings stand in between people,
and no matter how hard they try to get those out of the way,
they only end up saying hurtful words that aren't supposed to be spoken of.
They all try to voice out their opinions,
but sometimes it just crosses the line.

They do have a point there,
but sometimes they just have to be sensitive,
and understand that although people may not "listen" to you as you speak,
they actually take note of every word you are saying,
and every word really is something.

Certain things shouldn't be judged in a manichean kind of way.
It doesn't mean that things that are not white,
are supposed to be black,
or things that are not right,
are supposed to be wrong,
or even things that do not see an approval,
are disapproved.

We take on the either-yes-or-no view to many other things,
that we tend to miss out on the little details,
which actually do make a difference.
Somehow when we have to make a decision at some point or another,
we consult others for their opinions.

Some give approvals,
while some give disapprovals,
but out of them all,
who actually sees through the mirrors,
and provides them with assurance;
perhaps the inner confidence that they really need,
throughout the uneasiness and insecurity of it all,
assuring them that whatever happens,
happens for a reason,
and they are willing to support every decision you make.

I guess we all need to vision ourselves in other people's shoes,
and only then would we be able to understand
what is going through those minds,
and to reach out to them,
assuring them that they're not alone. (:

2006-10-07T00:03:00.000+08:00

The strongest of times,
may actually be our most vulnerable stages.

Ironic as it seems,
somehow I feel that it is something
in which I can relate to.

We may appear strong at times.
but that does not necessarily mean that we really are.
We're always out to show that we're okay,
to behave the way they expect us to be,
to hide away the shortcomings and bring out the rest.

And the tiring thing about this,
is not that we have to do this
for 1min,
1 hour,
1 day,
but 24/7.

But do we really have to do this,
despite of the 1001 shortcomings we have within?
It seems as though it's our natural instincts,
as to not get those you love involved,
nor do you want to bring them down together with you
ain't it.

Sometimes it feels as though
things should be kept from them
and they just shouldn't be exposed to what we are going through, aye.
It's just ain't fair. Not to them.

but no, it isn't the best thing to do :\

I don't wanna hide away anymore;
I'm not perfect,
nobody said I was
I wanna face up to reality,
to face up to the truth,
and although I may look strong on the outside,
I'm just so vulnerable within;

Somehow the closest of friends seem so distant,
and I put on a mask only to assure myself,
that everything's okay.
Well I'm tired of all these,
and I want to stop the pretence,
but it seems almost impossible,
when all the odds are against me.

And as I lay there standing,
I sense the uneasiness of it all,
yet the smile would still appear,
across my face.
But once the heads are turned,
that smile would be withdrawn,
and that mask would be taken down.

I'm falling;
would anyone come to catch me fall?

it's just so surreal}

2006-10-03T19:45:00.000+08:00

Imperfections}

Why do people keep holding on to what they see,
and ignore all the others altogether.

It's funny,
how people get deluded into thinking,
that there's only one thing,
and that one thing can make people truly happy.

They go with the flow,
and they hardly ever think of where they're going,
only to end up somewhere else.
Perfect, isn't it.

We choose not to take the road less-travelled,
with fears and phobias fuelling our minds,
and we tend to follow what's stated on our maps.

It's strange how people tend to see what's in front,
and fail to notice the ones just next to us.
We tend to reach for the skies,
and we fail to realise,
that people who have reached the top,
once started out from the bottom.

Somehow we've become stereotypes,
to follow what has been done,
and to aim for what everybody wants.
And that's where it all starts.

I guess we've all failed all use our sense of touch,
to touch other people's lives,
instead of expecting them to touch ours.

It's just like how the normal,
will never get to experience how it feels like,
to be tied on to physical limitations,
or fathom the pure joy of walking or running.

or how the popular,
will never get to experience how it feels like to be cast aside

or how those who stay cooped up indoors,
will never get to experiece how it feels like,
to go into the great outdoors

or those who expect things to come them,
will never get to experience the sense of adventure,
to seek out the unknown

or those who seek the high and sophisticated,
will fail to even notice the simplest of things,
right at our very fingertips

or even those who tend to mild upon the imperfections,
will never get to experience how it feels like,
to hold on to those little moments in life,
those moments which lift you straight in the air,
and leave you soaring through the skies.

I guess we've all failed to ask ourselves one thing,
is it our expectations,
which causes us to think,
that life is full of imperfections?

If that's the case,
I guess we shouldn't expect too much huh.
For it will only lead to disappointments

If I were given a pair of rollerblades,
or a bicycle,
or a trishaw,
or a car,
or even a hot-air balloon,
to travel around the world,

I guess I'd rather settle for my feet.

Expectations}

2006-09-29T20:50:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time. hasn't it.

A long time since we actually sat down together,
and practically talked our heart out,
till our voices were sore.
(No, it wasn't that bad right)

No matter how much I'll miss those times,
I'll always remember how much they made an impact in my life.

I don't think you'll ever come to understand,
what you've taught me.

I admired your sheer enthusiasm,
and you showed me the door to another world,
a world of light-heartedness,
a world where everything didn't matter at all,
but the ones we love the most.
I didn't really realise the power of all those at first,
not until now.

I didn't know that loving someone;
could hurt so much,
I didn't know that to stop loving someone;
could hurt so much too.
So wouldn't it be better not to love anyone at all?
No, because to be able to love or to be loved,
would ultimately brighten up our lives,
and diminish the conflicts and tensions we've had.

Whether or not it's time to go,
I'm not sure.
But what I do know,
is that I'll always have memories,
and at least I can hold on to them,
and not feel alone like I used to.

You'll never know how happy I was,
to be part of those memories.}

2006-09-27T22:56:00.000+08:00

Broken up inside}

It wasn't easy, not for me at least.
I feared for others, I feared for myself.
I feared for what is to happen,
while I know I shouldn't.

To see the best in others,
and to see them the way I do,
are two totally different things.
Striking a balance between them almost seems impossible,
doesn't it.

I often doubt myself,
in whatever I do.
And it's bothering me.
I want to stop all these,
and I want to regain the confidence I need.
Would someone please give me my key?

Haha I know it doesn't lie in others,
neither does it lie in those I love.
It's just funny sometimes,
to wake up one day,
and to find that key right in your pocket.
And everything just follows after. LOL.
(it's not completely false right) haha

I try to see the best in others,
to convince myself that they're the way
I perceive them to be.
Not until now,
when I finally realise that what's important,
is to diminish their shortcomings,
and most importantly,
to magnify their strengths.

It's all an optical illusion?

Oh well, I just need a break from all the exam stress.
But the mere thought of it coming to an end excites me somehow.
Yes, I long for it end, but
haha, somehow I don't want it to.

I just want to stop time from running,
and to just take everything just as it is. (:

2006-09-22T20:53:00.000+08:00

Trust.}

Trust takes a million years for it to take its purest form,
and yet we often take it for granted.
Sadly, we've built it up to see it fall.

We've built it up over time,
and now it just falls from our hands,
and yet we blame each other for what's happened.
but in truth, we only have ourselves to blame.

Yet now we question our intentions,
and we take it all out face to face,
only to know how much we've missed out on each other.
And that's where it hurts.

What we've given each other isn't what we call trust,
but assuring each other that we'll be okay throughout it all,
and that we'll be there for them when they're down,
and when reality takes its place,
we hold on to that assurance,
only to expect further disappointment.

I know it hurts to know the truth,
but at least we start to realise,
that all we've been working for is blind trust.

We're all so caught up with our own lives,
that we fail to spend time with those around us,
and yet we expect to gain trust from others.

Trusting each other takes time, and we all need to put in a little effort right.
How do we expect us to trust each other if we don't feel for it,
and we don't give others some time for them to build it up,
and to speak our mind like we used to?

I guess it all takes time right.

2006-09-19T22:42:00.000+08:00

Nothing feels the same}

Not anymore.

Everyone's running.

They're all moving in different directions.
Some are further away from others,
well others struggle to keep up.

They're all dispersing at different angles,
where to, I don't exactly know.
Just like the dispersal of white light through a prism. hurs.

What's interesting though,
is that they all started at the same point.
but I doubt they'd ever meet again.

Put in another prism maybe?
Urgh, enough of science.

I know I shouldn't be here,
and I don't really like the idea of procrastinating hurs.
Time to pay back yup?

It's study time!

2006-09-14T23:41:00.000+08:00

Guess what I'd do when I'm down?

I'd jog. (:
What's more, it's at night.

I wasn't feeling too well today. No, it wasn't the tests which stressed me out.
But it was the fact that I knew,
that my life was about to take a turn.
It was that unbearable feeling of having flying butterflies in your stomach,
waiting to eat you up one by one.
Sometimes I wonder, am I that vulnerable?

I have to admit, things are different now,
and I can't even relate to the ones closest to me.
Worlds are slowly drifting apart,
and reality sinks in.

Maybe it would have been better if I'd complied.

But I know that it would only causing further hurt and distress to those around me.
And I always end up having difficulties clearing it up with them.
I guess all this while I've been making blind commitments,
and maybe it's time to let go.

Maybe, just maybe.

But is it really time to let go?
hmmms.

Then there were those who showed concern,
always checking up on me to see if I'm okay,
but I guess there's a limit to it sometimes.
But it's okay if they've finally given up,
and maybe I've been too numb to realise.

So I took it all out by jogging, and boy,
did I feel so free for the very first time,
to be free from my troubles;
to be free from almost everything.
The tranquility I sensed when the wind ruffled my hair was relaxing,
as though it lifted me up or something,
and everything else didn't even matter at all,
not even school.

I just ran,
as fast as I could,
and as far as my legs could take me.
And I'm just glad that I felt much better after that. [:

Wish me good luck for tomorrow yup?
Let's just hope it'll be a better day. (:

2006-09-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

A beginning of a new term;
yet it just spells the close of another chapter.

It has been a tiring marathon,
and there were a couple of times I felt like falling.

I didn't know why I longed to fall,
Maybe I wanted to know how it felt like,
to give up everything in front of me,
and to be free from the things I held on to.

But was it really freedom?
haha, no I don't think so. (:

It wasn't till much later,
when I realised that I was backed by those invisible pillars of strength,
that choosing to fall just wasn't right.
I thought myself as foolish,
to underestimate the power hidden behind those pillars,
and worse still,
to underestimate their true existence.

I knew I had to turn back,
to return to where I belonged.
but it didn't occur to me,
how far I had to run,
or how long it would take me to get there,
I just knew I had to.

Oh well, term four is in less than 24 hours away.
I made a couple of mistakes along the way,
and striving not to repeat those mistakes,
doesn't mean that I forbid them from happening,
or rather, I have become stronger.

How much stronger, I don't know.

But deep inside me,
I just know,
that if I were to encounter a hole in front of me,
I'd choose to walk round it, and move on.
For I'd walked straight into it a couple of months back.

But not anymore. (:

2006-09-03T16:54:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEATRICE!
(that's if you ever read this, but I highly doubt so)

Enjoy yourself today, and don't let anything, or anyone get in your mood okay.

I've endured all your punches and kicks, and all I have left are scars.
It's strange, how those scars bring back happy memories.

Now, let's all be refined young ladies, shall we? (:

2006-08-31T23:10:00.000+08:00

Things aren't what they used to be,
at least that's what I thought.

What seemed to be the love of my life,
turned into something else I can't really figure out myself.
Perhaps it was all an illusion,
and I was fooled yet again.

What's with all these nonsensical worry,
like it's ever worth it and all,
but it keeps eating at me,
and I seem to lose it all.

Whatever the outcome may be,
and whatever that lies ahead,
oh please,
Give me the strength to get through this

And tell me that everything would be okay

Well, today is Teachers' Day, and what better occasion is it but to celebrate with our wonderful teachers? (:
Teachers have been there for us,
Trying their utmost to satisfy our insatiable thirst for knowledge,
But of course, we often take them for granted.

How ironic it seems, that students only seem to appreciate what teachers have done to them,
Only when they sense that their teachers are no longer there,
to point out their mistakes,
to give support when they're down,
or simply to show them that

the impossible can be made possible,
if one is willing to go through the processes of trial and error

To all those teachers who have taught me over the years,
You have been there to show your support and concern,
And I thank you with all my heart,
For you have all made a difference in my life. ((x

-HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!-